The "Banned British Breasts Speak Out" Offensive
28 Dec
In an Offended Blogger exclusive, Chelle B. sits down for a candid interview with Helen’s breasts.
They reveal the truth about what really happened in Christchurch that fateful night. Here is a partial transcript:
Leftit: “We weren’t the real reason Helen was expelled from the casino, and we are sick of taking the bloody blame!”
Rightit: “Bloody well right! We were hardly the most offensive things she had going for her arse that night.”
Leftit: “It’s true! The bloody buggery press has it all wrong! Helen won’t admit it, but she knows that it wasn’t us, it was her atrocious body odor, that slimy green muck on her teeth and the three feet of dirty toilet paper stuck to the back of her open-toed heels that got us all kicked out of that bloody, buggery casino! “
Rightit: “Well, it was really those toe-nails that sealed our fate, doesn’t she ever trim them?! I mean, bloody hell! She cut the ankles of countless customers with them from across the room before someone finally complained!!”
…..Busty English tourist Helen Simpson reckons the Christchurch Casino made a right boob by asking her to leave the premises after fellow punters found her breasts “offensive“.
In September, Simpson’s night of celebration at the casino turned to “humiliation” when she was told to cover her cleavage or leave.
A group gambling at a neighbouring table had complained about the amount of flesh Simpson was baring in her low-cut black evening dress.
The story of the offending breasts broke in The Press.
It became the most read story of the day on the paper’s website, press. co.nz.
New Zealanders’ insatiable appetite for the offending E-cups led to Simpson spending the remaining two days of her Kiwi holiday making radio and television appearances.
Faster than she could throw a button-up cardigan over her chest, the story went international, featuring in English tabloid The Daily Mail, Simpson’s local newspaper in Nottingham, and on various worldwide websites.
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