So today as I was reminiscing over my rather unique childhood, I realized just how many offenses I committed (and most importantly, got away with) before I became old enough to even buy porn and cigarettes.
Boy, do I miss those days! Don’t you?
Of course you do!
Now, I don’t know about you, but some of my offenses were so great and so brilliant (and since the statute of limitations on most of them has recently passed) I feel that they are seriously overdue some well deserved recognition!
So I decided that the best way to do them justice is to turn them into a pre-Weekender Offender warm-up game that I am calling….
“Guess My Offense!”
(For those of you who have no real offenses to reminisce over, because you played Chutes and Ladders instead of Quarters and Strip Poker at your childhood sleepovers, this will be a perfect chance to let your sweet, innocent, non-offensive inner child hang out with my, um, well, not as sweet, never that frigging innocent and delightfully offensive inner child. That’s right, and all without the fear of possibly being charged as an accomplice!! Hooyah. 
Anyhoo…the game is simple, really.
I will give you three different scenarios that each depict a typical rebellious girl offense of varying legality. Only one will be an actual offense that I, Chelle B., proudly executed with my childlike, evil-genius precision.
You just pick the one that you think is mine and leave a comment with your guess and we’ll see how good you are at “Guess My Offense“. Winners will get honorable mention on my Weekender Offender post where I will also reveal the offense that belongs to me.
Ready?!
OK, here goes:
1st offense: At 10 years old, Chelle B. received an “F” on her report card. In a futile attempt to keep her parents from knowing, she spiked the teacher’s coffee with laxatives and stole the teacher’s record book while she was indisposed. It is probably still at the bottom of the Stanislaus river today.
2nd offense: At 12 years old, Chelle B. was selling candy bars to help earn the money for 6th grade science camp. To make up for the fact that she ate $8.00 worth of candy bars herself, she raided her mom’s jewelry box and took $10.00 worth of silver dollars that had once belonged to her grandfather.
3rd offense: At 13 years old, Chelle B. noticed a reward poster for a missing dog in a friend’s neighborhood. The reward was $100. Chelle B. had never had $100. The dog looked just like one that lived in her neighborhood. That night, under cover of darkness, she coaxed the look-alike dog with a piece of salami and abducted it. She then tried to pass it off for the reward dog but was turned down, so in defeat she snuck the dog back into it’s own yard the next night under cover of darkness.
Alright, there they are.
Let’s see what kind of deviant offender you think I was!!
Friday, January 18th, 2008, 1:01 am | 
Guess My Offense | 
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