The Weekender Offender

Hello fellow offenders, it's the weekend again!

For this Weekender Offender, I am taking the time to thank my friends and fellow bloggers over at Blog Catalog for taking the time to answer a quick, unscientific poll about who offends them the most.

I enjoyed all of their wonderful suggestions and as promised, I am dedicating an entire post to the BC'ers and their nominees. Please click on their links and visit their incredibly wonderful blogs!!

The participants were:

Unfettered: http://www.myselfunfettered.net/blog
http://www.loquaciouscurmudgeon.net

Mikster : http://realitybanned.blogspot.com

Crpitt: http://crpitt.blogspot.com/

Dpivans1: http://cravesfavsandraves.blogspot.com
http://cravesfavsandravesentertainment.blogspot.com
http://cravesfavsandravesgifts.blogspot.com
http://cravesfavsandraveshumor.blogspot.com
http://cravesfavsandravespolitical.blogspot.com
http://cravesfavsandravestravel.blogspot.com

Jungl: http://knitting.thomaslaupstad.com/
http://blog.thomaslaupstad.com

Stephaiec: http://mytwentysomethingcents.blogspot.com/

stevewilson: http://electioncenter2008.blogspot.com
http://newsnetdaily.blogspot.com
http://www.stevenwilsonmarketing.blogspot.com

I decided to start with Mikster's entry, Bob the Viagra guy. Now I'm not so sure he didn't mean Bob Dole, but I had to go with THE Bob from those frigging annoying commercials. If I hadn't spent a small fortune on my 60" flat panel, it would have been toast a long time ago thanks to this asshole:


If you don't agree that Bob is the most offensive of this bunch then you seriously have issues...probably ones that require you to use Viagra yourself. Sad.

Anyhoo, moving on. Unfettered, who is apparently offended by 9 out of 10 people on the planet, suggested I add Stalin to my list of people who offend. He is an obvious choice, right? I can totally agree, I mean he was responsible for more souls being slaughtered than Hitler or even George Bush, so he comes in at number 2.




Moving on quickly before we start to think communism is anything less than evil, Crpitt, who has lovely red hair, a cute kid and a great accent, nominated these nasty sluts:



Her and I share a loathing of them, and I feel the same way when she says they "make me sick in my mouth".

Excuse me while I go gargle with some Listerine.

Fourth on the list, (according to the order of how much these people offend me that is!!), is another of Unfettered's nominees, Mr. Fred Phelps:

Now, I am a Christian so I know it is not my place to say this, but I'm saying it anyway and will ask forgiveness later.... THIS MAN IS GOING TO BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY!!!!

OK, well he's probably not since I don't believe in eternal hellfire, BUT...if I did and if any human being deserved it most, he would be right up there toward the top of the list with Stalin and the Spice Girls.

He reminds me of that creepy bastard from the Poltergeist movies, the one with the big teeth.

I think he is a closet homosexual too, which is why he hates them so.

Alrighty! Moving on...

Our next offender was actually in the running not long ago to be my very own Jewish Master! I turned him down though because he is a little too liberal for my tastes, and I'm not crazy about the whole look there.

He reminds me of the super genius geek I sat next to in math in 7th grade who always wiped his nose on the back of his hand and then licked it when he thought noone was looking. He's also the one who never let me cheat off of him.

I mean, I could have forgiven the obnoxious snot licking, but he knew how stupid I was at math and how dare he not allow me to peek at his A+ quality goods so I could move up a grade?! It really pisses me off thinking back on it now. Back then, I wore see-through shirts with no bra and mini-skirts with no panties most of the time, so he saw plenty of MY A+ quality goods...the scrawny little bastard.

Oh well, he's probably still an ugly snot licker and I still look good in my see-through shirts and mini skirt and I married rich so who needed math....yep, to hell with him anyway...

Sorry, where was I again? Oh yeah, the list!

My would be Jewish Master and offender of my friend dpivans1:




Now Unfettered suggested (well who didn't he suggest, really) Karl Marx, and after some research I realized he wasn't Groucho's brother, although they may have been distant cousins, but was actually one of the main founders of modern day COMMUNISM!

*gasp*

OK, I already knew this, I also knew that he wrote the all-time best seller "The Communist Manifesto". Yep, it's over there on my bookshelf along with the Anarchist's Cookbook!

He would have ranked higher on my list, but in his younger years he bore a striking resemblance to Anthony Hopkins, one of my all time favorite actors. This saved him from being sandwiched higher up there between Stalin and the Spice Girls.

He may have enjoyed that scenario in real life, I don't know...but here he is in all his hairy communist glory:



Now here is a 'great American' who offends the hell out of dpivans1 and most everyone else I know of, including me.

I admit freely that I lean to the right, but he preaches that Republican propaganda wayyyyyy too much for my taste, and although Alan Colmes' left eyebrow actually offends me a little more than Sean Hannity's entire personality does, he is next on my list:




Dpivans1 and I also agree that this non-comedianne makes us both "sick to our stomachs" and everything about her is offensive.



Now stevenwilson nominated Dick Cheney and after some research I found out that he is our Vice President! Did you know that?! I'm kidding...of course we are all well aware of who this guy is, and as a proud hunter and gun owner I have to say above all else, his reckless misuse of a gun offends me more than anything!!




Mikster (who is hilarious by the way) suggested this guy, you may remember him from the Subway commercials:



Yep, that's Jared. As with the next two people on the list, Jared doesn't so much offend me as he does annoy me.

I've never really believed his story. I think he secretly had his stomach stapled, but we'll probably never know! Just that fact places him above these next two famous faces:

I know this anorexic bimbo that stephaniec nominated annoys and offends just about anyone who has made it this far in my list:


I don't really care so much one way or another for what comes out of her mouth, it's hard to even hear what she has to say sometimes because I can't get past the expressions on her face or the fact that she looks about two crackers away from death.

I think she offended my Jewish friends not long ago, too, so I don't think I'd consider her a person that I would share My Jewish Master with (as if I ever would share him! No one is worthy of that!!) So she deserves to be here on my list.

And of course, next in line is another of stephaniec's offenders and Ann's good pal....Mr. No Spin himself:



I mean, just look at that picture! Need I say more? His face speaks for itself.

Jungl, that guy from Norway who takes good pictures and knits the hell out of a pair of socks, nominated this guy:


For those of you who have never had the pleasure of laughing along with Bill Hicks, well you are pretty sad and pathetic, aren't ya?! I'm kidding, of course, but really, you should look up some of his stuff because he is hilariously offensive. As Jungl put it, he offends "in a good way". :)

Crpitt (remember her, she's the one with the lovely hair, cute kid and great accent?) nominated these two dorks, who I'd never had the misfortune to hear about until now:



I really have no comment on the Chuckle Brothers except to say, holy shit I am glad they aren't on here in America!! That picture offends 4 out of 5 of my senses.

Unfettered finds Evita Peron offensive, I'm not sure why, I can only speculate that he has a valid reason because of either very personal cultural reasons or that movie that Maddona starred in about her somehow rubbed him the wrong way...I really don't know much about her so since I am not a fan of Madonna movies, so she is low on my list of people who offend me:



And last, but not least, again, thanks to Unfettered, is the man who brought us Scientology!


He should be way higher on my list, I know, but I think he was mentally ill so I felt sorry for him.

I don't think he really intended to be such a huge cult leader, or to infect the minds of so many of our fellow citizens or beloved celebrities with his cultish teachings. Or maybe he did and he's just a bastard, I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt....


OK, I know....it's not really L. Ron Hubbard....it's Carl Sagan! But you have to admit, they are very similar!!

I mean, have you been to a Star Trek convention??? Me either, because I am not a complete dork, but I see those weird people on the news and I hold that guy ultimately responsible. He is also the reason that William Shatner is such an annoying prick.

He really should be on this list, too. Oh how I hate William Shatner!!

Anyhoo...these are going in the scrapbook slideshow soon, along with a few others (like Alan Colmes' eyebrow and William Shatner).

On a side note, I'm re-doing my entire theme here soon at The Offended Blogger, as well as re-launching my other blog, "The Offended American".

I'm sexing them both up, because according to all those rich blogging experts out there, SEX SELLS!! So bring your checkbooks next time! Oh, wait, I blog for fun haha...nevermind!

I'm still sexing them up though, just for the hell of it.

:p

Chelle B.