Hey fellow offenders, it's the weekend again!! Soooo...what offenses are on your agenda this weekend?? ( remember to email the pictures to me on Monday, OK?! ;)
As for me, it is 12 degrees outside and since I am not an Eskimo, my chances of any real life offending are pretty much slim to none.
Why the #$%! did I move to Idaho again?!
Oh well, at least I have my wonderfully offensive and offending readers to get me through until spring!
Hey, speaking of offending readers, I am dedicating this entire Weekender Offender post to one of the funniest, most incredibly narcissistic and humorific blogging bastards that I have ever had the pleasure of being offended by!!
He does it so well and he is the latest winner of my "Offended Blogger" award.
You may have heard of him, he runs a little blog he likes to call Mental Poo and if you haven't heard of him or have but have just never had the pleasure of stepping in his "intellectual excrement", you are seriously missing out!
His blog is definitely not for children or those with large offending sticks up their colons, but it is one of the best out there for the rest of us.
The brilliant mind behind the psychogenic bowel movements goes by the code name of moooooog35 and he would have us believe that in real life he looks like this:
Bwahahaha, yeah, I know!
That alone deserves an award, doesn't it. :)
Of course, like you, I know he is completely full of shit and although he may not want to admit it, he only wishes just one of his heads was that big!!Heh. I know the real truth though.
Don't tell him, but this morning I hacked his bank account and I hired a private investigator (who, ironically, I found through one of the google ads on his blog so he earned a few cents back right there!!) and the guy did a little "investigatory" research for me.
Yes, it really is amazing what 20 of mooooog's hard earned ad-sense dollars can get you online these days! You should see what else I bought! I even charged the brand new truck I bought my husband for Valentine's Day on moooooog's card, he must have stellar credit for his limits to be so high!
Anyhoo...it didn't take long before several family members came forward with some pretty revealing details about this guy and it is my pleasure to allow you deeper into the twisted mind of this funny psychological feces-slinging bastard. Deeper into his mendulla oblangata than even he will allow us to go.
Apparently, according to his nephew, (who is still in the recovery ward of the local hospital by the way), this snapshot was taken at a recent family reunion:
It gets worse, too!
Hard to believe, but apparently this merciless atomic wedgie perpetrating uncle moooooog is the same masturbatory mastermind who brought us side splitting tales of moooooog spooge over at Mental Poo!
(I am looking into it, but I do believe atomic wedgies are illegal in his state!)
It doesn't stop there, either.
I found out that he has perpetrated much worse and much more humiliating crimes against the very humanity of those who are supposed to be the closest to him!
Even his own children quickly and happily ratted him out.
Check out what he did when his wife left him home alone with them one day:
OK, I admit, that one is pretty funny and it is actually the method I used to get my own daughter to say "ma-ma" so I can forgive that one.
But still, it is legal in Idaho and since I don't know the laws in his state, I can't say that I condone it!!
Oh, and speaking of his loyal and trusting wife, I feel the most sorry for her!!
She seems so sweet and so undeserving, and frankly, with her looks she could do so much better but I think she stays and takes it because her self esteem is probably right there in the same toilet where he gives the baby swirlies!
It isn't her fault she feels so low, apparently for years now he has done nothing but told her how much he wished she looked like Angelina Jolie!
I know, what a bastard, huh?? Men and their penile pathology. Ugh.
She actually confided in me that since they married, she has had more than a few minor procedures done in futile attempts to fulfill his pathological penile wishes, but he still lusts after the real thing and completely ignores her:
I am telling you, if she leaves him for a Brad Pitt look alike he will have no one to blame but himself! Well and his penis.
Despite all of this evidence against him, I will admit, not all of his family members had bad things to say about "the moooooog".
In fact, his glassy-eyed surfer brother didn't even remember him at first but when he finally did, he seemed to really like him:
Yeaaaah. I know.
I am not sure if that even is his real brother either, the jury is still out on that one for me, too, but hey, at least someone had something good to say, right?
And, I do have to agree with the glassy-eyed surfer dude that moooooog really is one of the funniest mother f*ckers out there and despite the horrific acts of abuse he dishes out to his loved ones, I am happy to bestow my "Offended Blogger" award on him and I will continue to allow him to hurl his psychological scat my way!
But he better go visit his nephew and apologize and he better start having some good sex with his lovely Angie Jolie look-alike wife (with the TV off, dammit!!), or my attitude may just change.
If it does, I'll let you know.
:p
You have a super blog, I really loved it and enjoyed reading it....
don't worry! is he doesn't want to have sex with his angie jolie look-alike wife i'll step in and take his place!
what are "friends" for?
lol
ps: found you through mike!
He sounds like my kinda people! Thanks for the tip. ;o)
dd2 ~ Well thank you, and hey, come back anytime so long as you don't change your avatar!! ;)
jay ~ lol well he probably wouldn't even notice! I have her number... if you want I can hook you up!! :p
avery ~ Glad to send you over there but I am not responsible if you are offended over there. :)
Why'd you move to Idaho? It musta been for the potatoes! ;-)
Lol, this was pretty funny, I'll have to go over and check him out.:)
Honestly OB! Before you start giving everyone out there the wrong ideas about Idaho, you should really check the law.
You may not dunk your children (under the age of 3 or when less than 20 pounds) in urinals, toilets, or spitoons, without a permit.
Catch and release is permitted of course and egg bearing females must be thrown back.
This is rich! And perfect!
Jodi(aka daizie)
Fumbling around to find the post comment link "Ah there it is" Thanks for posting the Angie Jolie photo (man I was glad I was alone looking at that) Are you going to the winter festival? Not me, but it looks like fun on the news. Hope your having a great weekend!! :D
I am not offended, but I am most highly aroused by Ms. Jolie's 'Come to Bed and Roger Me Senseless' eyes.
Hmmm, I wonder if moooooog knows we are talking about him behind his back.
Or in Lord Likely's case lusting after his wife behind his back! :p
Thanks, OB!
...hey...
OB.
I KNEW IT.
Here you are pretending to NOT like vaginas, and it's what you do for a living.
I need that job.
By the way, that top photo of me is actual, unretouched evidence of me in high school.
I had elephantitis of the skull.
Eventually, it migrated towards my nether-regions.
I have to wear pregnancy pants now.
Excellent choice!
Great blog yourself, btw.
Mooooooooooooog ~ Hey, let's trade jobs! You can work with vaginas all day and I will work with dicks!!
Ha, and you thought I didn't know how you truly felt about your co-workers, huh? :p
Buzzardbilly ~ You are now officially on my list of potential Weekender Offenders! I love your blog. :)
My partner has a thing for Angelina Jolie, .....so I'm casted aside whenever one of her movies comes out...however, I like looking at Brad Pitt- so when Mr. & Mrs. Smith came out- I got lucky that evening! :D
Deb ~ LMAO! You really could write a sitcom based on just that one aspect of your relationship hahaha. :)
Chelle B., Wow! Thank you too!
Mental Poo is The Shit!!!
I will be checking out that website because quite frankly, poo flinging monkeys mean a heck of a lot to me.
Probably more so than what Ms. Jolie means to Lord Likely although there is a very marginal difference.
Still, thanks for sharing.
Did I say monkey poo? I meant midget poo. Now you mention it, wasn't it mental poo?! Damnit. There is far too much poo on the Internets. This had better be some good poo for poo's sake.
Jeanette ~ If moooooooooooog ever decides to make t-shirts and bumperstickers for his blog, that is the perfect catch phrase.
"Mental Poo ~ It's The Shit!" :)
Joseph ~ I am glad you clarified because honestly, I have little respect for someone who admires poo flinging monkeys. :p