Chelle B.: Friend and fellow offender.

Gone, but not forgotten.

Yep, that's right, this is is my last post!! By the time you read this, my funeral will probably be over and my ashes will have been scattered over the tops of the Grand Tetons, or at least in a jar in the backseat of the truck ready to go.

I know! I will miss you too!!

Don't tell the other offenders, but you were always my favorite.

You LOL'd at all of my offenses, you entered my new Offended Blogger "What Was Willy Thinking?" contest, you bailed me out of that Mexican jail a couple of times... gosh, you were the bestest fecking RSS subscriber a girl could ever dream of!!

Well, except that one really rude comment you left. I never really got over it even though I told you it was OK.

Anyhoo.... sorry it had to end this way, but you and I both knew that I'd eventually offend the wrong person and it would come to this. At least it wasn't too slow and agonizing, but they did have to find all the pieces, which took awhile. :(

Oh, now, I know what you're thinking:

"Chelle B., you can't be gone!! Who is posting this? Besides, you haven't repented enough, and I just know you will burn in hell if you go now!!".

Hey, thanks for your concern but don't you worry about me! I am almost sure the Big Guy just loved me soooo much, he wanted me to come offend Him in person!!

Believe it or not, I set it up so that my blog would automatically post this final farewell when this time came because like a girl scout, I am always prepared! I'd give you the script, but heh, it's a little late for that, huh? ;)

Anyhoo... I do feel bad for those I left behind, though!!

Like my poor hormonal hubby:


I know!! It will be hard for him to find another woman like myself who will love him despite the fact that he is of the penile persuasion... or that will put up with his unpredictable monthly mood swings that make him think I want to castrate him and cause him to run and hide in his underground bunker to protect his manhood.

Then there are the children, who probably won't even know I am gone until long after the fact:

You're right! I think it is best that way, too.

Let them think I am still on my way to pick them up from... where were they again??

Oh well. I guess it doesn't really matter now. Poor kids. They may never even notice I am gone!!

Oh, and then there's my neighbor who I was so close to, who may or may not even remember me by now.

I am almost sure that he would miss me if he did:


Haha.... I know, that poor delusional bastard!! He'll be joining me up here soon if he doesn't get picked up by search and rescue!

Who cares about that loony fecker anyway.

I just know Mike Holmes will definitely never forget me AND will miss me, since he is always so interested in keeping track of exactly where I am and exactly what I'm doing:


Boy I will miss him and all those "unexpected" runs up into Canada! I just know if I'd have tried once more he would have come back with me!!

Oh well, maybe I will just have to come back and haunt him. Restraining orders don't apply to ghosts, do they?? If I end up in hell, I'll have to check with my old lawyer on that one.

That reminds me!! The guy I just loooove to torment over at blogcatalog.com will miss me, for sure:



Ha! He is in my will alright.

Not!!

I will definitely still be hijacking all his threads and spamming his inbox with Irish curse words from the otherside, just to mess with him!! Heh, it will be even more fun than before!! :)

Yep, and Kidraper69 will miss me even more than my annoyed BC friend, and will be in for a big surprise when he gets the news:



Oh, and Mister Constipated in Montana will miss me even more than both of them when he gets the call :



Gosh, I think I've covered them all now. I will sure miss every one of those silly knob licking, arse kissing, offensive gobshites.

They made life worth offending for, you know?!

Oh, alright! I know what you're thinking:

"Chelle B., how can you just ignore your #1 biggest fan?!"

OK, I'll just get it over with, even though it is hard and brings a tear to my eye: I will miss Jesus my beloved taco truck guy the most!!

Man, I really loved that non-English speaking, taco making, imported "incense" selling bastard and I know he really loved me:

That's right! My name is tattooed on his head!!

How special, huh?? :)

Hey, if you happen to be in my area and you happen see him, would you do me a favor and pay up my tab at his taco truck?

Thanks, I really appreciate it, and hey, I know it will be hard but please, do go on offending without me!! I'll be watching from up there. Or down there. Or wherever!!

Hooyah.

Oh, and leave a nice comment about me in my guestbook here too, dammit!!

:p

This post is paying it's last respects over at:

Would it kill you to stumble me now that I'm dead?! :p