The Weekender Offender

23 Feb

Hey fellow offenders, it’s the weekend again and this Weekender Offender is dedicated to the man with THE BESTEST FECKING WILLY EVER…. Mr. .45 himself. His entry into the “What Was Willy Reading” Offensive blew the other two dicks right out of the water!!

So congratulations to the man with the best Willy and to celebrate, here is a little visual of Willy himself reading the winning title (as made by the lovely and talented Claire, the doodle Queen of England):

.45’s ad will be in my sidebar all week, so click it and go tell him how great his Willy is! He can never hear that enough. :)

OK, now with that out of the way… I have a very, very very important announcement to make!!

After waking up to yet another blanket of white manna from hell covering everything outside and rubbing it in my face that spring is NOT yet here, I have decided that it is time for me to step up my anti-winter efforts a few notches. The global warming thing is just taking too frigging long so I am really left with only one choice:

I, Chelle B., am converting to Islam!

That’s right, you heard me. I already ordered my camo burka and I’ve been prostrating myself all morning… with help from my hubby, of course.

Heh, he isn’t converting but he really seems happy that I am!

Hooyah!!

Who knew that Islam could be so fun?!

OK, I know what you’re thinking, “Chelle B., how is converting to Islam and prostrating yourself going to make the snow disappear??“

Ha! Don’t you know that when you are one of them you can issue a Fatwa against people and declare a jihad on things?! Man, don’t you ever stop surfing the net for porn long enough to watch Fox News?!

Ugh.

Anyhoo… I have it all figured out. Once I finish prostrating myself (for the 5th time today!), I am going to issue a Fatwa and declare jihad on winter and my new bestest friends will do all the dirty work for me:


I know! I love those bastards, too. Especially when they’re on my side!!!

:p

This post is prostrating itself over at:

Humor-Blogs.com

Stumble Me

Stumble me, or your next on my Fatwa list!!! :)

*** THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO MY OFFENSES!!! ***
  • You know I was contemplting getting my willy extended; then I realised that they all fit so why bother.
    That you have converted I believe is admirable. But who is going to be saved when the big willy strikes? Muslims. Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhists all believe it willy be them.
    Thanks for bringing it up though. I would imagine that the Jews and Muslims don't consider it any big drawback.
    Its a hard subject to discuss though-willies.
    As I usually say, the two things that kill conversation are: loud music and oral sex.
    See you in Hell- 'cause thats where I'm going to be according to religious bigots. See, no consideration or forgiveness.
    One thing though if you are converting; jehadists believe that there will be 70 virgins waiting for them. Can't be true. All the worlds virgins had their annual meeting last week; in a telephone box at Times Square.
    Enjoy evrything you deserve. The Baldchemist






  • Hey, now that you're an islam bitch, you're going to have to change that picture of you.

    Now, everything should be covered BUT the eyes.

    Do it for your god allah, lest you be buried up to your nipples and stoned to death in the street!



  • Screw Islam...Screw Judaism as well. Any group that refrains from eating bacon, ain't right in the head. Cheers!!
  • .45
    The moment I realized this video was on YouTube, I gave it 87 Diggs and 42 Stumbles.
  • But which God has the biggest Willy, I wonder?
  • "Hey, .45... I saw that video of you on YouTube, you really do have the bestest Willy! :p"

    I should really start visiting YouTube more often. I always miss out on the best shit.

  • nope kdawg68, shes very much up and running here...but i think iam screwed for reading this and commenting ... if u dont hear from me, iam at....
  • YiPEE for .45 and Woo-HOo for Willy!

    Hey, I don't like being cold either, but really dear, don't you think prostitution is a bit extreme? And your hubbie is helping? Dear Lord, Allah, whatever...

  • I always suspected you were at least part Houris Chelle B.

    Make sure that you DH knows he's only allowed to whip you with a rod that is no more than 1/2 inch in diameter.

    (Tell him I recommend Plexiglas. It has good compressive strength, flexes nicely, and cleans easily.)



  • CONGRATS .45!

    Fistfuls of potting soil for ALL!!!!

    :)



  • .45
    I take it you saw the extended edition, in widescreen?
  • Behead those who refuse to melt the snow!

    Speaking of which, I wonder if you blog is banned in any Islamic countries?

  • Damn, I think the contest was rigged. Just because I'm a global cooler, not a global warmer doesn't mean I don't have feelings. In honor of Chelle converting, I'm going to make a little call to Homeland Security and ask them to send her their best. Regards , that is, not people. What kind of person do you take me for?
  • Hey, .45... I saw that video of you on YouTube, you really do have the bestest Willy! :p
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