I don't know why, but I get a bit offended when certain people ask me, "so what book are you reading at the moment?". Ugh. Like it's any of their frigging business what it is that I'm reading! Maybe I can't read and I'm really touchy about it, did that ever occur to them?!
Of course not.
Heh. I always want to say, "Umm, what the hell do you want me to be reading? The Communist Manifesto?!".
I mean, honestly.
Sometimes, I actually do say, "Oh, I just finished reading 'The Marijuana Grower's Handbook', have you read it yet?".
Hehe, yeah.
That one shuts them right up! ;)
Between you and me, though, I don't mind if you know that I actually can and do read or that I read a lot. In fact, I own well over 1,000 books and I have read nearly all of them at least once!!
To give you a glimpse into my little offended psyche, here are just a few of my favorites that are actually in my private library:
That's right, I love that one!!
Now you know where my "I really don't care if I offend you" attitude comes from.
Oh, and hey, if you don't like my attitude, then you need this book so you can "Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life", too!! :p
Oooh, here's one that I've loved since childhood:
It just cracks me up.
I love the dead cat as an electric pencil sharpener one!!
Now if you've never seen it, of course you can't appreciate why it is one of my favorites. It would be like trying to explain The Far Side Collection to you (another set of favorite titles on my shelf, actually!). You have heard of the Far Side, I hope?!!
Everyone should own The Far Side Collection.
It is the best, ever. :)
Anyhoo.. let's see, what else do I have? Ah, this one is always a favorite, even though it pisses off and highly offends my Fatwa friends every time they come over:
I don't care though, everything offends and pisses them off!!
They really need to read that first book up there in my list so they can "Shut Up, Stop Whining and Get a Life".
OK, between you and me, there is no 'Koran - The Satanic Verses Edition', I made that one up, but I do have the book, The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie in my library, and that would piss off my Fatwa friends (if they were real)!
Heh, but then they'd see this one on my shelf and recognize that I am very balanced in my choice of reading material (as well as bilingual!):
The English version (which I also own) is a bit easier for me to read, but the Spanish one helps me communicate with Jesus better and you know me, I'd do anything for Jesus!!
Why?
Because he's my most favorite taco truck driver ever, of course.
Hooyah. :)
Oh, and of course this next one is a must have for every well-stocked bunker in Idaho:
Yes, I REALLY do own it and no, I've never tried any of the recipes.
Hey, I'm not that stupid!! I need to finish reading the Advanced Chemistry college textbook I own first!
I'm kidding.
I only own both of those for fun. ;)
Hmmm... kinda like this one which I just started reading today:
Yep, that's what I'm reading at the moment.
So, now that you know what sorts of odd books that I have and what it is that I'm reading, it's my turn to ask you!
"What are YOU reading?"
Hmm.. I hope it's not The Communist Manifesto.
Ugh. I've read it, and it sucks.
The Marijuana Grower's Handbook is a good one, though!!
:)
Click over to humor-blogs.com and help me get on the front page!!
27 Offensive Comments:
The cover for "fuck it" just blew my mind away. Man, I wish there was such a book. I'd buy it just for the cover.
By the way I'm reading "Atlas Screwed", if you must know.
ROFL, well at least you have a pretty well rounded library...makes the chick book I'm reading seem boring,lol.
I'm reading "How To Kill People Who Ask You Pointless Questions". It's pretty sweet.
Anarchist Cookbook, eh? So, I'm curious-- what happens when you cook the anarchists? Does it make enough for left-overs?
I just got back from Borders and they are sold out of Fuck It.
I guess I will have to order on Amazon - I checked and they do have it but then there is that annoying shipping and handling charge and I would really rather they didn't handle it.
I've recently read "Horton Hears a Who," just so I'm not surprised by the storyline when I go to see it at the theater.
I just read "raising alligators for fun and profit"
Unfortunately, they got out of the cage.
It seems that for the gate instructions, I misread "latch" for "patch"
Anways, my gaters got into the kindergarten class at the school three houses down.... and you know? The gaters that did that are so soft, tender and tasty!
I guess you really are what you eat.
I'd like to read the dead cat one. I'm curious what that guy does after he buys them from me.
What am I reading? Ugh. Like it's any of your frigging business what I'm reading. Maybe I can't read and I'm really touchy about it. Did that ever occur to you? Of course not.
But since you asked, I'm reading "So What are YOU Reading?" by The Offended Blogger. Yeah, I can't be bothered to be creative like those above and below.
Anyhow, I've heard that, "101 Annoying Bloody Questions" is a gripping read.
The problem with the Communist Manifesto is that all the pages are the same...
Naturally, I am reading that new DONCO classic:
"A Humor-Blogger is Born Every Minute"
Oh, and "30 Minutes to a Better You (Not me, YOU)"
How To Win Enemies and Influence Nobody
Seems to be working so far...
OMG! I have finally stumbled into a nest of like venomous creatures!
I've had to be a good girl on the surface my whole life and always wanted to openly say this stuff.
Thanks!!
101 Uses for a dead Cat. I remember getting that book when I was about twelve. Is it still in print? What marketing!
Last thing I read was The World according to Carl Pilkington. (Great Book) and before that The Osterman Weekend, but I didnt finish that, I got to a word with more than six letters and just had to give up.
Alex M. ~ It is a real book! For real. I have it lying next to me as I type this! It's pretty good, too. :)
Tanya ~ Hehe, I have chick books too, but I'd never, ever admit that in public! :p
Angryman ~ Can I borrow that when you're done? Oh wait, is that a pointless question? If so, nevermind. :D
Jenn ~ Yes, please don't tell Anok. I've invited her for dinner but she has no clue that she's the main course! :)
Daniel ~ Yay! We can form a book club, the first book will be Fuck It, of course! :p
Moooooog ~ How can you have gotten this far in life and never read Horton Hears a Who?!! I am shocked! I read it when I was 3 for goodness sake. :D
Jenn ~ Yes, please don't tell Anok. I've invited her for dinner but she has no clue that she's the main course! :)
Daniel ~ Yay! We can form a book club, the first book will be Fuck It, of course! :p
Moooooog ~ How can you have gotten this far in life and never read Horton Hears a Who?!! I am shocked! I read it when I was 3 for goodness sake. :D
Mike ~ And now I wonder, does alligator taste like baby seal? Hmmm.. I bet there is a book in my library that answers that! :)
.45 ~ Oh please, we both know you keep all the dead cats in your closet. I've seen them, remember?! :p
Qelqoth ~ Your comment was actually the most creative! I love how you threw my own line back at me, because honestly, who the hell *am* I to frigging ask you what you're reading?! It's really none of my business but thanks for sharing. :D
Ve ~ Yes, ugh. Communism is so boring. Give me some good old anarchy or unbridled capitalism anyday! :D
Don ~ I have both of those in my library, as well as the DONCO title, "Humor-bloggers from Idaho are Smarter, Handsomer, Prettier and Funnier than Anyone Else". Do you have that one, too? :)
Texastesla ~ You are right, it is working. Hey, didn't I get a restraining order against you?! :p
Mamaflo ~ You are most welcome! Feel free to email me with suggestions, I'd be happy to turn anything you'd like to say but can't into an Offensive for you. :D
Robert ~ I think you can still buy it, my copy is so old it is falling apart but I just treasure it. :)
Alex L ~ Ugh. I hate books with big words, they make me feel so intellectually inferior. :p
"Your comment was actually the most creative! I love how you threw my own line back at me, because honestly, who the hell *am* I to frigging ask you what you're reading?! It's really none of my business but thanks for sharing."
Any time Chelle. Any time. :)
You could always shrug and say, "You know...just the porn..."
I'm currently reading the latest issue of Juggs.
I find it very insightful.
"we both know you keep all the dead cats in your closet. I've seen them, remember?!"
Wait, which night was that? I might have been sober.
If the question "what are You reading?" offends you, then the hearing of "How do YOU do" should irritate you too. Such conclusion comes out of itself, but you continue with the naming of your library. That makes your post hard to understand. What's your purpose? If our attention irritates you, why does you address us? What's goal? Isn't all the above not a bit strange?
Thomas ~ Oh, dear. Where do I even begin?! Hmm, let's see.. first please google the meaning of "satire" and "humor" and then please try to put the two together and come back and re-read my post.
Let me know if you reach a great epiphany, ok? :D
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Remember, anything you say might highly offend someone... but hey, to hell with those sissy bastards, say it anyway!!