Hey, no offense to all those idiots out there who feel like they are doing me a favor by giving me unsolicited financial advice on what I should be doing to “recession proof myself”, but I don’t really need to be told by them what to do with my money!
Honestly, I can’t tell you how many times lately that I’ve come across someone like this who thinks they are qualified to tell me how to protect my assets:
Yeeeahhh.
I mean, he probably can’t even spell the word recession and it is obvious that he can’t even afford to invest in toilet paper, but somehow he thinks he is qualified to give me financial advice?!
Puleeze.
Heh.
IF I wanted financial advice, which I don’t, I’d MUCH rather ask someone like Donald Trump, or Alan Greenspan, or better yet, my personal hero, Mr. Joey Vento from Geno’s Steaks:
I frigging love Joey!! He’s the best.
Hell, I’d let him advise me anyday because honestly, believe it or not, we have a lot in common.
It’s true!
For one, he is obviously financially savvy. I mean, you can just tell from all of that mobster style bling he is wearing. I invest in a lot of jewelry myself, although mine isn’t quite as flashy, but I do enjoy wearing it out in public!
For another thing, like myself, I bet he is an aggressive investor, which is important! You have to not be afraid of risk and he’s proven that he is sure not afraid of taking chances by going into the restaurant business to begin with.
Not only that, he had no problem with risking it all by putting up this sign at Geno’s Steaks and going to court over offending all of those starving non-English speaking bastards who dared to order a cheesesteak from him in their native tongue:
Which is yet another thing we have in common – no, I haven’t been to court over offending anyone.. yet… but, like my man Joey, I also refuse to let anyone order me around who can’t speak English!!
Well, OK, between you and me, I do make the occasional exception for Jesus but only because I kinda like it when he orders me around with his native tongue.
He doesn’t even have to say a word and I do what I’m told!
Hooyah!!
Anyhoo… now I am all flustered thinking about Jesus and I forgot what it was that I was even talking about.
Oh yeah!! Getting financial advice from idiots who have no business giving me financial advice to begin with!!
Ugh.
I hate that.
I mean, I am my own best adviser thank you very much, and hey, I even have a back-up plan just in case things don’t work out for me!
That’s right.
It is a 4-step plan and you might even want to take notes. It is so fool-proof and so easy and any poor bastard out there can implement it during hard times!
1: Burn down house for the insurance money.
2. Sell children into slavery.
3. Buy a disguise and rob a bank:
4. Take all of the profits from #1-3 and sail off to a private island and live happily ever after.
See?!! I told you I knew what I was doing.
Oh, and there isn’t even a frigging recession so don’t listen to those idiots out there who say there is or who think they are qualified to give advice about it.
Hey, why should you listen to any of those idiots anyway, when you have me?!!
Monday, May 5th, 2008, 5:00 pm | 
Economic Offensives | 
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