OK, so no offense, but when I find out who ever the hell it was that came by my blog and left their nasty, contagious germs all over the place, they are really going to be sorry!!
Do they even realize how sick I was or what I've been through these past few days?!!
Do they even care??
:*(
Oh well, don't worry, because if it was you, you aren't the only one that I am mad at.
My hubby is on my revenge list at the moment, too.
Why??
Well, for starters, as soon as I started whining and complaining about just how close to death I was after that first sneeze, instead of feeling sorry for me like he was supposed to do, he just teased me and said he was going to call in the priests to read me my last rites:
It wasn't funny.
He knows I am not Catholic!!
Then, to top it off, he PRETENDED to be all nice while he waited on me hand and foot, but I know that he really used my being sick as an excuse to keep coming in to tell me all the plans he had for how he would spend all the insurance money he was going to collect from that huge policy he took out on me!!
That wasn't funny, either.
Well, OK, maybe it was a little funny because between you and me, he has some really crazy ideas on what to spend all that money on, but still!!
He did cheer me up a bit but I am mad at him anyway because thanks to him and his caretaking, I became completely hooked on this:
It's true!! I was sneaking out of bed and taking extra shots of it behind his back just to knock myself out so I didn't have to feel so frigging miserable.
Apparently, it got worse, too.
Now I don't remember any of the details, because for the last few days my brain has pretty much been like this...
...but my hubby told me that I also snuck out and drained our entire savings account at Costco buying cases of Nyquil and it took him a week to find me all strung out under the bridge with empty bottles of it strewn all around me and green goo smeared all over my face!!
I know!
It's kinda embarrassing, really.
AND, to top it off, he said our insurance won't pay for rehab to help me get over my Nyquil addiction so he had to send me to this cut-rate El Salvadorian rehab clinic but I think he forgot about me:
He told me I was only going to be in this place for a few days while he convinced the life insurance agency that I was dead so he could cash out my policy, but he would come right back and get me and take me to one of those really cool and trendy European spa rehab clinics.
It has been weeks and I still haven't heard from him and I am really starting to worry and I really frigging need to get my hands on some #$%!@#$% Nyquil, dammit!!!!!!!!!
Hey, it's not funny.
I hear they don't even sell it on the black market here in El Salvador.
Ugh!!!!!
Well, at least I am no where near as bad as my roommates are with their addiction problem:
I know, I feel sorry for them, too!!
They told me that they got hooked on Tylenol cold tabs back in the 70's and Medicare wouldn't cover both their nursing home cost AND their rehab costs so their kids made them fake their deaths to pay for it and then dropped them off to wait here, too, but they never came back and they've been here ever since.
Heh. I'm sure they'd have hung themselves with a piece of rusty barbed wire sooner if it wasn't for the fact that they can get Tylenol cold tabs on the black market here, the bastards!!!!!
It's not fair!!!
Oh well, I'm sure he'll show up any minute now to pick me up and we'll be rich and we can hit Costco to load up on Nyquil on the way home and maybe even get some tacos, too, since there aren't any taco trucks down here, either.
I sure miss Jesus!
Of course, I will still be mad at you if you're the one who got me sick to begin with, but if you'll buy me some Nyquil and some tacos and have them shipped to me here in my El Salvadorian rehab clinic while I wait for my hubby to come pick me up, I would probably forget all about this whole thing.
I'm serious!!
Oh, and please, wash your nasty germs off before you come by my blog next time!
;)
14 Offensive Comments:
Welcome back! :)
You can tell Gramma's getting old cause she cuts a sloppy line. She used to keep them so sharp and clean. Bless her heart, she's getting up there.
Excellent stuff!
From a Scottish ranter...
As an El Salvadoran Catholic senior, who regularly shops at Costco online to buy his cases of Nyquil, I am deeply offended by this post.
wasn't me darlin I swear, and I'm so glad your gettin better.
Ode to the Offended One
I'll hold you all night,
I'll let you kick and scratch and fight,
I'll wipe your sweaty brow,
I'll even feed you chow,
I'll take all the friction,
but I will not feed your addiction.
You gotta get off the Quil before it's to late darlin!
YOU CAN DOOO IT !!! ;)
I left all my kooties on another blog :P
I am offended that you are hooked on anything :)
You know, if I had to chose between Nyquil and my dogs... I'd have a bonfire for their chew toys! ;o)
The last old buddies pics are cute. :P
Ha! So funny! My hubby was just telling me how I neeed to "get-off-the-Sudafed-that-you-have-to-sign-for-at-the-pharmacy-when-you-go" (you know, the one that they make methamphetamines outta these days?!) that I use for allergy control this time of year, 'cos he's afraid they're gonna think HE has the addiction, instead of me - LOL! I made a point of reassuring him that we'd "take turns" with the pickups for my fixes so they didn't become overly suspicious at the one store. And if they catch on, I suppose we could always store-hop so as to not draw too much suspicion for any one place...
Great post! Loved it!
i once took nyquill...i woke up 2 days later, i still have a hard time recalling important information...like my full name or my children's birth dates...
Welcome back. If you have internet access in the El Salvador safe house drop by sometime. I officially give you permission to visit again now that your kooties are past. Bring the Nyquil...
If you didn't have explosive diarrhea...then it probably wasn't me.
Just trying to whittle down the list of suspects for you.
I forgot to wash!
I like to mainline Nyquil, but it's rare that I can find a good vein. I also have to share needles with my diabetic friend, and she sleeps around with rabid monkeys.
That trippy poster gave me an ecstacy flashback.
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