The "WTF?! Friday" Offensive

May 2008
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Hey fellow offenders, it’s Friday again and it’s time for a special edition of WTF?! Friday. Today’s topic was inspired by the very lovely (and not mean) earthlingorgeous who is a fellow blogger over at Blogcatalog.

She had posted a question in the discussion boards and it really got me to thinking…

WTF?! Why Are People So Mean?

Do you know the answer to that??

Of course not, because no one really knows why some people are just mean for no apparent reason. I’m sure you have your own theories, just like I do, and I thought I would share the top 5 reasons why I believe some people are so damned mean.

Feel free to share your own, and here are mine:

5. They have an enlarged medulla oblangata.

Ok, so I stole that one from watching this…

Medulla Oblongata-Waterboy – For more funny movies, click here

…but hey, it might be true!

I know I’d be pissed off if my medulla oblangata was so big that people made fun of me for it!

4. Their feet are too small in proportion to their earlobe size.

Now I KNOW that one sounds less plausible than the medulla oblangata thing, but I remember reading this book about serial killers and I’m almost sure it said something about how their shoe size in relation to the length of their earlobes was thought to make some people more prone to angry outbursts and even serial killer behavior:

Hmm, now that I think about it, it may have had more to do with their penis size in relation to how long their pinky finger was, or was it that their mother was a drunken whore who abused and neglected them??

I can’t remember, but either way, it is a definite possibility!!

3. They use fluoride toothpaste.

You probably aren’t aware that fluoride was a Communist plot and it was supposed to make us all dumb and submissive, but it actually just makes people mean.

This is why the Commies are campaigning hard and trying to get us all to drink soy milk because it reverses the effects of the fluoride and makes us dumb and submissive which is just where they want us so they can take over the world:

Don’t look at me like that, it’s true!

Where do you think that t-shirt was made? That’s right, communist China!!

I know, it is scary, isn’t it.

OK, I know what you’re thinking, “Chelle B., I am impressed!! Just how do you know so much about all this sort of stuff?!”.

Hey, I don’t just use the internet for porn and blogging like you, er, I mean, most people do, I read educational stuff.

I read all about it at over at prisonplanet.com.

Well, OK, so they also said there that all of our presidents since Lincoln are cannibals who sacrifice small children to Molech at Bohemian Grove each year…

…but still!!

I bet they are right about all that other stuff, though!!

2. Maybe, just MAYBE, they were the youngest of five children and were traumatized by things like being left duct taped in a closet, never being allowed to tag along with their older brothers and sisters, always being told “no, you aren’t old enough!”, always being bossed around or being held down and tickled until they almost wet themselves, etc..

Now I am just generalizing and totally guessing here, and no, it is NOT because my therapist has been telling me for years that this may or may not be the root cause of my own anger issues and is probably why I am bitter and secretly hold a grudge against and dream of extracting revenge upon all of my siblings!!.

It really pisses me off.

Thanks to those bastards, I spend a lot of time and money shopping here:

Ugh!!!

Someday they’ll be sorry!!

Anyhoo… last but not least:

1. Mean people are born with large offending-ass sticks that are stuck so far up their colons that it has left them completely devoid of a sense of humor so instead of enjoying life, they are just sad and angry and mean all the time!!!

Now, it’s really not their fault because I’m sure it costs a lot to have an ass-stick removed nowadays. It’s probably something a doctor has to do and it probably requires a few weeks of recovery and your average insurance probably doesn’t cover it since it is a cosmetic procedure.

I read somewhere that in the old days, the local barber would do it for you for free:

Yep, too bad we don’t live in the good old days!!

I’m pretty sure it’s a conspiracy between the doctors, drug companies and insurance companies because angry people are sicker and require more medication and stuff.

Really, I believe this is why we have so many more mean people in our society now!!