Now, if you are of the penile persuasion, don't get all offended on me, but, guess what?! I am now a bra burning, card carrying, lifetime member of the Feminazi Man Hater Bitches Club!
That's right, and let me tell you, it is sooooo frigging liberating!!
Hey, don't give me that look, we both know that it was inevitable that I become one of them. I mean, I must have been the last female on the planet who hadn't converted to feminazi man haterism because every other female I know is one and to be honest, it was a bit lonely not being part of their club!
Not to mention dangerous.
Hey, those bitches can be quite mean to us non-members!!
Secretly, though, I've always wanted to be like them, particularly like one of these feminazi man hating bitches:
Yep!
And I actually owe it to them and all the other feminazi man hating bitches on daytime TV for giving me the courage to liberate myself and, more importantly, my oppressed tits:
Hooyah!!
Oddly enough, I never knew my tits were in bondage until I started watching daytime TV, but as soon as I found out I burned every single one of my bras.
OK, so technically I didn't actually burn my bras. I just stopped wearing them during my trial membership in case I changed my mind later.
Hey, I am not a fool! Those things cost me a shitload of money and I don't want to have to go buy all new ones in case I decide to leave the feminazi man haters club!!
Which I'm pretty sure I won't because I can't tell you how just how good it feels to finally let my tits free after all these years of bondage. Between you and me, I think my bras were always a bit too tight and it's probably what made me so damn cranky all the time!!
Well, that and all those moronic people who constantly piss me off and make me want to run them over with my monster truck.
Ugh!!!
Anyhoo, I really am grateful for all those daytime TV shows. They are the ones who taught me all about how my well endowed ancestors fought long and hard against the forces of penile evilness, just for me to have the right not to cater to my man's every penile whim and, more imporantly, to let my tits be free from his penile oppression:
Yep.
So, really, I owe it to them to be a bra burning, card carrying, lifetime member of the feminazi man hater club, right?!
Right!
I also owe it to all of those in third world countries who have their tits in bondage and look up to free and more fortunate women like myself as symbols of hope:
Awww!!! They are so sweet, I just can't let them down!!
Of course, between you and me, this whole 'joining the feminazi man-hater club' didn't go over so well with my hubby, who had grown particularly fond of having his penile whims catered to.
Day and night.
Over, and over, and...
Ugh!
So naturally, he was a bit shocked and offended when he came home from a long day of work and found that his sweet little bra wearing, usually non-man hating, highly appreciative and incredibly talented at penile-whim-catering wife was sitting on the couch bra-less.
Then he realized that I had suddenly turned into this:
Actually, he was way beyond pretty frigging pissed off, let me tell you!
In fact, if I remember correctly, his response was something like, "What the @#%$, Chelle?!! I don't work MY ass off all day just for you to sit on YOUR ass all day getting brainwashed by those man hating feminazi bitches on TV!! Now take the rest of your clothes off, make me some dinner, and cater to my penile whims, dammit!!"
Ha!
As if I would allow myself to be oppressed like that ever again.
Oh, alright, so I did, and there were even a few tears, but hey, it was only a temporary set back!!
The next day, while he was hard at work and after The View was over, I took off my bra and marched right out and hired this guy to do all of the so-called "women's work" around our house:
Yeeeeaaahhhh.
Needless to say, it didn't work out the way I hoped it would. I don't care what Dr. Phil says, men and women just aren't wired the same!
Ugh.
He wouldn't even make me coffee, let alone clean the toilets. He just sat there on the couch, hogging the remote and scratching himself, telling me to get him beers and make him food.
The bastard.
Oh, and it got worse, too!
When my hubby came home and found me sitting on my ass, watching Oprah without a bra on, that guy passed out on the couch next to me in a French Maid uniform, and all his beer and TV dinners gone, he was way, way, wayyyyy more pissed off than he had been the day before!!
Let's just say that there were a lot of tears this time.
And blood.
Well... and a lawsuit, but our lawyer says I can't talk about that right now.
Anyhoo, just like my feminazi man hating mentors on TV, I did not give up so easily!
The next day, while he was at the lawyer's office, I got off my ass, took off my bra, and ran right out and hired these feminazi man hating bitches to do all the so-called "women's work" around the house:
Heh. I thought I'd show my hubby who was boss this time!
It worked, too.
Would you believe that when he came home, he wasn't the least bit pissed off at all?! In fact, he was sooooo incredibly happy, he was the one who had tears in his eyes this time.
I know, weird! I guess he was embracing his feminine side while I exerted my feminazi side.
Yep, and I am so proud of him!!
He has really accepted the idea of me converting to feminazi man hatingism and now he caters to MY every need:
Welllllllll.... he catered to my needs at first, but then he became too busy making sure the new maids were taken care of, because as feminazi man hating bitches, they have whims that need catered to, too.
Apparently those bra-less bitches have a lot of whims!
In fact, I think he quit his job to take care of their whims full time because I haven't seen him leave the house in weeks.
Oh well. If I have to go get a job at the taco truck to support us for a while it's all worth it to be a feminazi man hating bitch because, honestly, it is a dream come true for me and I can't turn back now.
I just burned all my bras.
Gosh, I just hope Jesus doesn't require me to wear a bra to work!
:)
43 Offensive Comments:
I just hope you have factored into your feminazi sisterhood that there are a lot of men out there playing for the other team that might be ever so happy to bring that beer and cater to the penile demands of said husband....I'm just saying...
What an expensive membership.
Is there an agency where I can hire a group of Feminazi Man Hating Bitch Maids ?
Your hubby is one lucky bastard.
Ha! Loved the post and I too go braless... I call this free boobin' and it feels oh so good!
As far as I'm concerned, everything I need to know I learned on daytime TV. Thanks Judge Judy and People's Court!
Fortunately Deb on the Rocks has declared me an honorary Lesbian. So I can be a feminazi man-hating bitch too. (And still be OK with filling the needs of my Sisters in the Struggle!)
Yeah, your poor hubby with all of those feminazis around...
You crack me up... and don't tell anyone but I put in a plug for you at my blog :P
What do feminazis do in, like, African villages? Burn their coconuts?
Wouldn't that cause undo damage to the Rainforests...further contributing to global warming and, eventually, causing extinction of the polar bears?
Thus:
Bra burning = dead polar bears.
But hey...who needs polar bears.
Set them puppies free!!
In response to moooog - actually, have nothing to burn.. we do not wear bras...
Oddly enough, I never knew my tits were in bondage until I started watching daytime TV, but as soon as I found out I burned every single one of my bras.
HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Um. Hey...we both wrote about OUR BOOBS today. Of course mine in no where NEAR as funny as this....and I noticed we both have the SAME computer.
:)
Charles ~ Haha! It would have to be a VERY good brand of beer to pull my hubby away from those bra-less maids. ;)
Mattias ~ Yes, but it is well worth it! :p
Truckindog ~ Well you know, eventually he will need to take a break so maybe he'll let you stand in for him someday. Then YOU will be the lucky bastard. :)
Diva ~ LMAO! Free-boobin'.. hehehe
Rev ~ Scarily enough, Judge Judy is the spitting image of my late mother. Except my mother would have made Judge Judy cry, she was so mean! :o
Don ~ Ha! I knew you'd come out of the closet eventually!! :p
Barry ~ Awwww! Thanks! I shall run right over and visit you shortly. :D
Moog ~ I bet you are already packed and half way to an African village after reading the comment below yours. *snickers*
Angels ~ Hahaha! Be prepared for a guy with a pair of lips drawn on his hand to show up any moment, all wide eyed and anxious, claiming to be the lost Chief of your village now! :p
Meleah ~ TOO FUNNY!!! Hey, just like Olga would say... sometimes our boobs need the exposure! :p
Not to be all rude and stuff but uh...
Can men attend these burning bra events? I'll stay behind the bushes if that's what it takes.
Let me know when and where, ok?
And I'm not getting rid of my penis, period.
The Crotchety Old Lady was going to burn her bra, but when I suggested she could just tuck them in her pants waistband, she was offended.
Now what?
I believe "Feminazi" was a coined word--descriptive term--invented by Rush Limbaugh. Glad to see you are taking such a confrontational position, Chelle. Let the games begin.
I have long advocated repealing a woman's right to vote, emerging from their homes in broad daylight without makeup (and now, thanks to you, bras, too), and, I believe in abrogating a woman's right to criticize her husband. Also, I am devoted to reviving the law legalizing the burning of witches.
Inspired by your actions, I burned not only my bras but my undies too, in fact ALL my clothes! They were probably designed by men to satisfy their penile demands anyway.
I'm feeling a bit cold, but so far it's going very well.
"We are Wimmin, we are Strong..."
Slick ~ Yes, of course you can attend! We need someone of the penile persuasion to sacrifice after we burn our bras.
How does tonight at midnight sound for you? :)
Da Old Man ~ Ummmm, now RUN?!!
Jack ~ Hehe, I love that term Feminazi. I would gladly give up my right to vote during this election. :p
Tiggy ~ Yay! Welcome to the club, all new members get a complementary Feminazi Man Hating beach towel so now you'll be covered. ;)
Oh! Don't tell Olga! ;) That poor travelling bra will have nightmares!!!
I wonder how it would be to turn things around and have the She-Wolf see me go free-ballin in the house with a duster in my hands.
Loved the thoughts...you nut!
You go, girl!
Keep it coming!
From THE X-RATED GRANDMA
You are my new favorite blogger. :)
The pictures on your blog tell a thousand words. You must have fun collecting pics to post!
If I burned my bra I'd probably be wildly knocking people around unconsious all day.
Or tripping myself...
Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them o'er your shoulder
like a continental boulder?
Do your boobs hang low?
;op
I think it would be pretty easy for you to spin a novel out of this and make a quick million.
I'll be watching Opera to see when your on:)
There should be more feminazi man hating maids on this planet. Isn't it in the US constitution that man must be let free in pursuit of happiness. Well, let's just all celebrate this proud day! Long live women!
Purrrrfect post!
I don't get the Tyra picture, though. Shouldn't women burning bras be braless?
I just looked at the picture again. I think they are burning their FRIEND'S bras!
This is just wrong! I'm mad now. You should NEVER burn your friend's bra.
Thank Jesus for entrecard, because after reading only one post I am hooked and have already added you to by reader.
Awesomely funny.
I haven't had a penile whim since I was about 18 or 19. Does that mean I'm not on the feminazi hit list?
I too am confused by the Tyra picture. There should be tits everywhere, but instead we have a group of hens standing around a flaming barrel looking like confused hobo's.
Im with ya on this one honey..
I got ur back..
And remebre when Oprah use to have those shows telling us our bras were the wrong size, like we are so fucking stupid we dont know what are own tits fit in..
as if...screw em all honey
Things were so simple in the old days (I can't believe I'm calling them "the old days" ... but I guess they are.) In the late 60's and early 70's, when I was still a teenager, my girlfriend (my wife, for a long time now) never wore a bra, neither did her girlfriends ... or their girlfriend's girlfriends ... and everyone loved each other. It also made getting to third base all the easier.
Dammit Chelle, quit stealing my maids...they give the best spankings when I've been bad.
I hate bras too and only wear them when it's absolutely necessary (which isn't often and I make sure of that). Do I care that my nipples stick out rock hard - hell no.
I don't want to castrate my man (although there are some that should have been so they didn't produce more little pricks like themselves), I need him to service me when I feel like it, which is often now that I'm post menopausal and the hot flashes and mood swings are over - hahahahaaaaheehe
I'm all for the maids uniform if I can also carry a whip and I don't have to actually do housework.
For the men that posted - Y'all have balls!!!
In honor of your awesomeness I did a very Chelle B type of post today (Sat)!
Yeah! Let your tits be free
and
put that man bitch to work!
Hilarious! You blog cracks me up.
LAUGHING
LAUGHING
STILL LAUGHING
You are one kickass gal!
And I think the world of you.
I really do! If I am EVER in your neck of the woods I would HAVE to meet you just so I could say that I'd done it. I mean who could miss an event like CHELLE? Not me. :)
NoooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooo!!!!
Buring Bras is the worst form of BRA ABUSE!!! There are more humane ways of letting your boobies be FREE ya know! (Click HERE for suggestions)
Geeeez Chelle....now I need another drink.
yeah, in regards to the tyra pic, i'm with cathouse teri. should a photo of women burning their bras not also include their newly liberated boobies? why are they still wearing bras? this not only confuses, but aggrevates as well. were these women wearing their bras in layers, or something?
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life is ridiculous. read about it here.
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Remember, anything you say might highly offend someone... but hey, to hell with those sissy bastards, say it anyway!!