The "May the Best Offender Win!!!!" Offensive

大人のおもちゃ
アダルトＤＶＤ
av 写真
大人のおもちゃ
大人のおもちゃ
おとなのおもちゃ
アダルトＤＶＤ
アダルトショップ
ペニス増大
電マ
TENGA
SM　通販
男性セクシー下着
メンズ下着
メンズTバック
大規模修繕
決済代行
SEO
SEO
Hicht hetta hoop
カード決済
不倫調査
尾行調査
企業調査
身元調査
身辺調査
結婚調査
夫の浮気
妻の浮気
尾行調査
企業調査
所在調査
身辺調査
追跡調査
尾行調査
ストーカー調査
浮気調査
身元調査
信用調査
浮気調査
身辺調査
信用調査
特殊調査
所在調査
素行調査
追跡調査
信用調査
身上調査
所在調査
ストーカー調査
妻の浮気
ストーカー調査
素行調査
盗聴調査
身元調査
不倫調査
探偵
不倫調査
妻浮気
結婚調査
信用調査
データ調査
不倫調査
夫婦浮気
身元調査
盗聴調査
池袋　風俗
渋谷　風俗
新宿　風俗
性病検査キット

All righty then, I can see I'm the first person to comment here....NOT. Being so pure I don't know any offensive jokes. In fact I only ever remember one joke from third grade. LOL

"What's invisible and smells like worms?"

I'll let you think on that for awhile Chelle. LOL :) I'm sure it will be the most sophisticated joke you will hear. :)

I mean, I could go and make one up right here on the spot, but it would be too ribald for your pristine ears.

So we'll see if you can come up with the answer to my third grade joke. LOL Hugs, RainforestRobin

It takes her a long time to get liquored up. That's my kind of woman.

Wanna hear a joke? ... Woman Suffrage.

That's probably the best offensive joke I know right now.

On a different note, did you hear about Carlos Mencia? I hear he got commended by Al Gore... for recycling jokes.

Betcha didn't see THAT ONE coming! (That's what SHE said!)

That's OK. The item at the above link isn't the most offensive thing on my blog anyway, it's just the most recent. Try this one for the most offensive http://andyswww.blogspot.com/2008/03/how-not-to...>
At my old blog, many people told me this was one of the most offensive things they had read.
http://arpeggioandy.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!F5F8111C68B576E5!590.entry

@ Everybody ~ This was too fun! Do I HAVE to pick a winner now???

I should just leave this post up forever and my blog will just be people coming by to offend ME.

Hooyah!! :D

I mean, think how easy that would be for ME! Unlike choosing a winner UGH!!!

Oh, alright, I will choose one, but it isn't easy dammit. I need liquor and some tacos first.

After I get back from seeing Jesus I will post the winning entry. :p

Ahem. It's Monday, Toots. Where's my award?

hi there! this is a fun blog you have here. here's a link to a recent post of mine that may have offended one or two ppl who can't take a joke.

http://w1thmywholeheart.blogspot.com/2008/06/gay-and-bi-sexual-canines.html

~maria

(((((Shhhh... it's a secret. But Chelle and I really are secret lovers. In secret.)))))

(((((And I don't care what she says, she often asks if we can bring a HORSE into the mix!)))))

Hey Slick! It's every man/hot-woman for themselves!
And I'm sad to break it to you (not really) but I've got this in the bag or in the box I should say.

hey, i say inappropriate things every day, but here's my most recent submission:

http://muskrat.wordpress.com/2008/06/13/stuff-white-people-dislike-your-colored-childrearing-challenges/

@ Billy ~ Pfft sperm is not offensive! And I know you, you MUST have some dirty jokes up your sleeve. ;)

@ Mattias ~ Haha! I might be a Nazi, but I am in no way offended by the rest of your allegations.

OK, maybe the horse part. :p

@ Juyla ~ I really am not easy to offend, I promise. That is what makes this a contest.

You did come close though, with your NRA bashing thread! Just kidding, it was funny. ;)

@ Dani ~ Yay! Thanks for playing, I will pop over and check your entry out soon. :)

@ Jaime ~ Cool, but you better hurry! Contest ends at midnight and the winner will be announced tomorrow sometime. :D

@ Jailbird ~ I LOVE it. You already know I'm your #1 fan, and I have to say that it only makes things funnier that I keep wanting to read it as "Dirty Skanks" instead of "Dirty Shanks" haha! :p

@ Amanda ~ I will give more notice next time, so you can write up a winning offensive post, k?! :)

@ Teri ~ Yeah, and if I picked you, they'd all think we were secret lovers or something. Which, ya know, may or may not be true. ;)

@matias I'm confused, it's not that hard to offend Chelle. Too easy I think.

I'm still not getting "it"... in general. Sorry! I'm confused.

Chelle...okay. First of all, I'm offended that you're teasing us by trying to think long and hard of ways to offend you. Shame on you. You should spank yourself.

Second of all, I am even more offended that you refuse to do a threesome with a horse. A HORSE! You could go all night long with those things, but instead you choose to drink cocktails and curl up with pictures of carnage from the Vietnam war. Yes, the 'good old days' as you called it.

And to think you blew me off last week so you could catch up on "Mein Kampf".

A HORSE, Chelle!

I am Donating my Sperm Freely + Lovingly today in Hopes of joining the ranks of Fathers Celebrating their Special Day today*

All Acceptees Welcomed with Open Arms + other Special Treats*

;)) xoxo Peace*

Cum One Cum All*

I'm here to say that none of you motherfuckers are going to beat me at this offensive game! I will find out where you live if you don't take all of your contest entries out of the running! This is not to be tolera-

Oops. I just remembered. I already HAVE the damn award and I'm already ON the blogroll! SHIT!

Why do I have to be so honest? It was going so well.

Ill sit out on this one and watch. However I did make a post about hanging testicles on a car and I also took the precious time out of my day to get a raggedy ann doll picture and paint shop it ot resemble a fellow female blogger I dubbed a bitch.

First, I have to say I've never been happier to accidentally have found this blog!
Second, I was just gonna go w/ the old school offensive saying: "So when are you due?". (obvious answer is "i'm not pregnant")
BUT then yesterday something happened....I guess I'll now have to do a post about it because it's too long to comment on...i'll be back once i do to give ya the link.
HINT: potty training toddler, Playplace, and bowel movements.

Thanks, Julya! You are such a good sport!

Trukin, you can spank me anytime. You don't need that bitch's permission!

Chelle: It's about time you fixed the contest! I mean, it WAS broken! :)

Ok, here's my post. I actually had a nasty story to write, but maybe later. Might be too nasty. So, I'm leaving my post as http://www.momscrazylife.com/5608parentsthatica... if that doesn't work
www.momscrazylife.com/5608parentsthaticantstand.

Thank you :)

Ok, new rule! Only Teri is allowed in the finals. The rest of you losers are disqualified! :D

@Cathouse Teri
Damn it you made me spew Beer with the eight year olds and play fair or I'm gonna ask Chelle to let me spank you ;) can I Chelle can I huh.

@cathouse teri LOL!

@ChelledB I've changed my mind, I drop my previous nomination/votes whatever, and i nominate/vote/give my delegates to cathouse teri!

Chelle: It would not be hard to pick one winner if all these other fucking assholes would just get out of the way and let me be the only one competing! Sheesh!

this is by far my most offensive dirty shank titled WWJD?

http://dirtyshankcardchallenges.blogspot.com/2008/04/wwjd.html

I think I win!

Chelle B, I'm having a difficult time in understanding the concept or spirit of "offensive"... so please forgive, but I think I'm getting there.

First, I like to nominate and vote for The Crotchety Old Man and his recent post "Looking for Love"

http://tinyurl.com/5l7tf7


Speaking of old and old men, I'd also like to nominate myself and an old old old post of mine:

http://tinyurl.com/6noj39

I hope these are offensive enough. And I apologize in advance for the puerility, and to the elderly, to the veterans (especially), and politicians and especially women (both naturally and un-naturally busty women). And to the people of colour.

BTW, I love your blog!

HAHAHAHA!!!!! You sick bastards made my morning, those were offensively hilarious. :D

Damn, it's going to be hard to pick one winner now!!

THOSE are some funny jokes! I especially love the Trukin joke.

Here's one I tell a LOT. I mean a LOT. I'm not sure it will work in print, but I'll give it a shot.

What's so great about sex with twenty-eight year olds?

There's twenty of 'em.

A man comes home from work one afternoon and sits down in his easychair, soon his youngest son come running in from playing. After saying hello the young boy says I learned two new words at school today but I'm not sure what they mean. Dad says, well tell me what they are and maybe I can help. His son replies "Theoretically & Actually". After thinking a moment dad says, lets try a little experiment to help me explain, go upstairs and ask your mom if she would sleep with a strange man for a million dollars then come back and tell me her answer. The young boy runs off and returns a short time later and says mom said yes. Dad says I think I heard your big sister in the kitchen go ask her the same question. The young boy runs off again and returns to say daddy sister said yes. Dad says your big brother is in the back yard go ask him the same question. The young boy once runs off only to return a short time later. Daddy big brother said yes. After rubbing his chin and thinking for a moment dad says OK maybe this will help you understand those words.

Theoretically we're sitting on 3 million dollars, but Actually we're living with 2 whores and a queer.

My first time at this so I'll just tell a very offensive joke I once heard...
Rural gal wants to go to her high school prom, but has no dress to wear. She goes to her father for dress money, and he says "Sure, I'll give you the money, but you have to suck on this (unzipping his pants)"... She gasps, and says "MY God you're my own father, I can't do that!!" "Then no money for the prom dress" he says. She asks repeatedly over the next few days, always getting the same answer. Finally, with only 2 days before the dance, she says "OK"... He unzips and hauls it out. She closes her eyes tightly and begins her job, only to spit it out and yell "Your di*k tastes like shit!" Dad answers, "Well your brother wanted to borrow the car this morning"....

@ blonde goddess - ha! I gotcha

Chelle - I'm a shithead - woo hoo - that sounds offensive !!

I entered a contest awhile back where in my good friend wanted to hear everyone's funniest sex story. The winner would receive a bunch of Elexa condoms. I won. But that's only because I'm the only one who entered!

I also won a contest last night at Lakota's place. And again, it's because I am the only one who entered!

So if everyone wouldn't mind, could you all please go away so I can win this one?

Here's my story:

It was an exciting flight. We had met online and had chatted daily for several months. I was finally on my way to meet him. The hard part these days about landing is that there's no one there to meet you at the gate. The long trek from the plane to the point of meeting is torturous, especially if you're travelling internationally! But at that final moment, the chemistry was exceptional. He smiled, took my hand and led me to the taxi. We made out on the way to the hotel. It was steamy, to be sure and the night in the hotel was sensational, including the big private jacuzzi!

The next day, we went to his house. We had sex on every surface in his apartment. Day and night. For four days.

One afternoon, he was paying some online bills and I came up behind him, reaching down and stroking him through his soft sweat pants. He hardened immediately. I swiveled his chair around, knelt down, pulled out his manhood and began licking and sucking. It didn't take long for me to notice I had some lint in my mouth. Now, it's never easy to tactfully remove lint or pubic hair from your mouth whilst giving a blow job. But I'm pretty good at it. I soon realized that I was having to remove quite a bit of this lint as his cock was fairly covered with it! I just started laughing and said, "Okay, I can't do this!" He laughed so hard. He explained that these were new sweat pants and going commando in them was probably not a good idea!

I tell you, lint can create quite a barrier on a man's dick! And to start out sucking and wind up laughing can never be a bad thing. Can it?

@ Don ~ Hey! No fair! You can't blame your drinking problem for that one when we both know it was the magic mushrooms you ate. :D

Grrr.

http://tinyurl.com/4woq6o

This happens whenever I get sober.

@ Blonde Goddess ~ haha! He is a shithead, isn't he. Don't worry, I fell for it too. :)

@ Qelqoth ~ Fucking acid? They make that? Dammit! I only scored regular acid. :p

@ Teri ~ Of course you may use naughty words, I would be disappointed if you didn't! :)

@ Funbox ~ Haha! I love it, now that is a good dirty joke! :D

@ Nathan ~ Hey! Not bad!! The only thing I could think for you to add to make it more offensive is that you put the cigs out on your hands and run around saying "Look at me! I'm Jesus! I have the stigmata!". :)

@ Slick ~ Woot! I am so glad you came by, I can't wait to see your entry! :D

@ Da Old Man ~ LMAO! You crack me up and that post was ace. You are definitely a Weekender Offender, award or not! :p

@ Mike ~ Yes! In fact you were already on my list of personal nominees after that post. :D

@ Andy ~ Will check it out shortly, thanks for playing along!! :)

@ Barry ~ Hahaha, I love it! And I fell for the blond joke too, how pathetically offensive is that?!

@ infinitewebprofit ~ Ha! Fooled you, I don't have any teeth. :p

@ Mikey777 ~ Thanks! Will pop over and check it out soon. :)

@ Angryman ~ lmao that one definitely makes you a top contender. :D

When sex workers go on strike I wonder what the scabs look like. I bet they have scabs.

Weeeelllll...

I do have a story that some might consider "uncouth." A true story. Does that count? I would post it now, but wanted the go ahead. It has words like cock and lick and suck in it. :)

(ha! as if it wouldn't)

I can't be offensive. I'm too cute and adorable for that kind of thing. Just give me sweet bunnies, lots of pwetty unicorns and...acid. Lots of fucking acid.

Barry...I fell for that stupid Blonde joke and it totally pissed me off.

You and the Elderly Hellions...plotting against little old me.

Damn you!

I should win this handily for a couple reasons.
First, yesterday, before this post of yours was generated, I did comment that you inspired me. My post, again, written before I saw this contest, which I should win handily, mentioned you, and in a homage, mentioned a monster truck. Serious sucking up like this is highly offensive (particularly to everyone else who are going to lose)
Second, said post was written while under the influence of prescription painkillers. I can assure you that the post is much better when read under the influence of said painkillers, therefore, I am willing to share my bottle of generic Vicodin with you, greatly enhancing the blog reading experience,and offending all those who only thought of plying you with cheap whiskey.
Third, and this should offend all those math nerds who noted I said a couple reasons and two is a couple unless they are kinky, how can you tell when I am driving the monster truck when going on a cheap whiskey and prescription painkillers run? It will have the left turn signal on the entire time.

Time to refill my meds.

http://crotchety-old-man-yells-at-cars.blogspot.com/2008/06/cocktails-for-two.html

Ooooo Chelle, count me in ;)

I'll be back, let me do some researching

Tell that messycan Bee I'm furious she didn't nominate me

I'll try this offensive thing out

I smoke cigarettes in church and make sure to blow the smoke in the faces of little children and babies, just for fun :D

OK, since you are blonde - this should be offensive.

Here is my try at a joke (it is so old maybe no one remembers)

In high school biology, Mr. Richards decided to pick on Susie. Susie was the hottest, yet most innocent girl in the class. Richards asks Susie: "What part of the body gets up to ten times it size when excited?"

Of course, Susie is offended, and she says "How dare you speak of such things openly in class!"

So Mr, Richards says to Susie:" I have 3 things to tell you - 1) You have a dirty little mind, 2)You will be greatly disappointed some day, and 3) It is the pupil of the eye!

Did I cheat by kind-sorta doing two things? If so, that should offend someone :P

Oh, I just gotta win that Wekend Offender Award. Will this link work as my contest entry?

http://lh4.ggpht.com/AndyStall/SEccbUGP5zI/AAAAAAAABX8/94mBg9WY6Zw/IMG_4977.JPG?

Chelle B -

You've already seen my latest post of the North Korean offensive.

Since you actually commented on it (a comment from Chelle B is an award in itself) I think that post is a contender, don't you?

Winter in Iowa is a lot like Japan after we dropped the atomic bombs. There's always a little nip in the air.

ok...here's the most offensive post I've got...hope it makes the cut!

http://shiftworkersunite.com/?p=47

FIVE FACTS:
fact1: You can’t touch all your teeth with your tongue.




fact2: After reading the first fact,all fools try it.

fact3: fact 1 is false.

fact4: Now you are laughing, Hehehe ... The fact is that you were fooled.

fact5: You want to fool Others, so want them to read this..

@ Bee ~ Sonofabitch! As you were commenting I was rewriting the rules!! :p

Oh and don't tell the others but you were already in my private nominee list to begin with. You're one of my all-time favorite Offenders!! :D

Chelle B? Do you know where I live? Do you know WHERE I live???

I live in Chicago* where our motto is "Vote early, vote often" We have a mafia trial going on right know where a Seventy something mob guy asked a prosecutor "ARE YOU MAKING EYES AT ME???"

Which I have now added to my everyday repertoire with a nice thick Italian accent.

The reason I'm saying all this is because I don't want you to be shocked when I vote for...

MYSELF!

"ARE YOU MAKING EYES AT ME???"

*technically it's a suburb but I'm close to O'Hare airport which is supposedly in Chicago so in conclusion...