For the rest of you, I am glad you aren't a sissy, because for the first time in The Offended Blogger's history I am taking you deep into the dark recesses of my Google Analytics keyword searches.
Yep, I decided that I shouldn't suffer the psychological damage alone when I have you, my #1 fan to suffer along with me!! ;)
Actually, most of them are rather mundane and naturally, variations of the word 'offend' bring in the most traffic:
George Carlin brings nearly as much:
Mike Holmes and midgets are quite popular, too:
Oh, and I do get a few keywords like these that really frigging creep me out, and make me wonder if I should contact the FBI or something:
But it's the really bizarre ones that jump out at me and make me wonder if I should laugh or cry or both:
I know!!
Funny thing is, that one came the day before Valentines.
Poor bastard!!
I just wonder if he found the answer to that on my blog, and if so... holy shit! How, erm, offensive of me to offer such advice and what was I smoking when I did it?!!
So yeeahhh.
There you have it.
A tiny glimpse into the offensive stats on my blog.
Between you and me, I think I may be better off not knowing what people are searching for on Google to get here!!
I mean, one of them could be YOU and that is just not right, dammit!
:p
Chelle B, your google results are tame compared to mine.
Except for the children thing.
That wasn't you was it? Because if it was, you sure did do a good job passing the buck!
People put the craziest things in their search bar. I have no idea why anyone would search for an "anal schtick", and I have no idea why google sent them to me.
Help FMLP with her video project at http://foldmylaundryplease.blogsome.com/2008/06/21/your-participation-would-be-more-than-appreciated/
See a sample of the clip I submitted at http://andyswww.blogspot.com/
Wow - we are a bunch of wierdos (we being your readers) :P
Ooo, I like the redesign. I'm sad to say it doesn't offend me.
Google analytics do, so don't worry.
OK, look.
I needed help. My testicles were being particularly naughty.
I've been getting several hits for kid prostitutes lately.
Hey, why not?
OK it was me, I wanted to torture my testicles. I didn't find the answer on your blog, but like three link clicks later I found this SWEET spiked hammer and well...you can guess the rest.
Seriously though, people are searching for "porn" sites of kids being spanked? Man society is fucked.
Chelle, you won an award. Take a visit to my site and collect it..Please... Thank you...
Am I the only one who finds it odd that the word "self" is present in the search phrase "How To SELF Torture One's Testicles"?
Did the person originally search for "how to torture one's testicles" and become frustrated that the search results all required 2+ people?
Personally I'm against any form of testicle torture that's more complicated than setting up a bridge game.
very funny and informative. Thanks for sharing some of the search traffic. i started reading cause i thought you were going to rant about testicles. but i wasn't disappointed. ;) but in the future. more testicle posts please!
@ Mike ~ lmao, throw down your best perverted Googler, I dare you!! I bet I can beat it. :p
@ Andy ~ Haha! anal schtick sounds Jewish doesn't it? ;)
@ Barry ~ I know! Stop it! It offends my delicate sensibilities. :D
@ Mark ~ Thanks! Is it too masculine though? I wouldn't want anyone to think I was of the penile persuasion. :p
@ Don ~ lmao well apparently you have come to the right place! I will have to do a follow up to that one with actual advice on how to *ahem* get he job done! :)
@ emeraldcityguy ~ UGH!! I wish I could track these pervs down and kick some ass. :(
@ Ocean ~ Uhhh, because self torturing one's testicles sounds a bit, how do you say, fucking insane??! :p
@ Sully ~ I know! People scare me. I will save a spot for you in my underground bunker for when the weirdos take over the world! ;)
@ Dani ~ Oooooh cool! Thanks! :D
@ Ryan ~ Haha! I never knew bridge could result in testicle torture. I do know that mountain biking and bull riding may, though! :p
P.S. I think you will appreciate my 4th of July post today, hehe.
@ Bloggernoob ~ I promise, I will make blogging about testicles a priority from now on! ;)
Trying to keep up with these things is next to impossible, understanding why is worse.
You're doing a great job; that's all that matters so don't change.
I was happy to give you blog a thumbs up on StumbleUpon.
Ohhhh, that kid fetish thing isn't so bad. They probably just meant goats, not human children. Geeze, always looking for the worst in people!
You do get some weird ones. I guess I'm lucky. Mine mostly deal with cars, especially one called a BMW. I don't understand why.
Beamer
One way to offend Americans is NOT to use terms like MILF and cameltoe by posting in every language except English.
What did I get out of all that? Well, two things: I have learned that when I'm doing a google search, there's a trail left.....gotta be more careful.
and, HOW DO YOU GET STUFF LIKE THIS INTO A SNAPSHOT SO YOU CAN PUT IT ON YOUR POST?
you can email the answer if you want, since you have so much free time and all.