The "My Offensive Dream Sketchbook" Offensive

10 Jul

So no offense to all of you hardcore Seinfeld fans out there, but I had a rather offensive dream about Cosmo Kramer last night.

Seriously!!

It was really frigging bizarre, too, and NO, it wasn’t a sex dream!!

Well, actually it was a sex dream, but I wasn’t having sex, I was just watching. Er, I mean I was watching Kramer explain his sexual escapade from the night before to Elaine and Jerry.

Yep, and as soon as I woke up I grabbed my sketchbook and drew a picture of what I saw in my dream and I scanned it in to my computer to share with you:

Hey, I never said I was a professional artist!!

:p

Anyhoo, I was flipping through more of the things that I drew in my dream sketchbook and found some other ones that I thought you might enjoy.

For instance, there was this one:


Ha!

Don’t ask me why my subconscience went there, I mean I know that in reality he would never say that!

Well, not outloud at least!!

The same goes for this next one, he’d never admit it if this was the truth:


Heh.

I’m sure he’d find a way to spin his way out of that one though, right?

Right.

Sadly, I didn’t too well drawing this next one, but hopefully you can tell who it is:

No, that’s NOT Pat Robertson, that’s David Letterman.

Ugh!!

They don’t even look at all alike.

Oh, but I did draw one of Pat Robertson after this really weird dream I had of him just this last week:

Yeeeeahhhh right.

I know it is just wishful thinking, but I’m still hoping that one will come true.

Between you and me, I bet this next one will come true, though. Just wait for the next meeting of the Fed, you’ll see:

You know, lately I’ve been thinking of liquidating my own assets and buying a one way ticket to Greenland! I hear the weather there is much like it is here in Idaho.

Hey, if I do go, you are welcome to come and use my monster truck to chase tourists and grizzly bears, and eat some tacos at the taco truck and hang out in my air-conditioned, titanium reinforced bunker until I come back!!

Cuz you are my #1 fan and I am nice like that.

Just don’t eat all the food I have stored in my bunker, dammit!

:)

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  • Frackin' hilarious!
  • My wife recently had a dream that I bought her a car ... she asked me what I thought it meant.
    I told her she'd learn the answer before the day was through.
    She became really excited!
    When I got home later that evening I handed her a book on "how to interpret dreams".


  • LMAO - I love Seinfeld dreams!
  • Kat
    You rock Offended !!!! love ya girl in a non freaky sort of way
  • hehe... Every time I come to your blog and think I will post a comment....... I'm speechless. You are one of a kind!
  • Greenland? I was hoping somewhere more like Amsterdam or Iceland... then again, just get me the hell outta Jersey and it's all good.

    Great dream sketches, if i ever decide get off my ass and use this scanner here---i'll attempt to show you some of my dreams. wacked! I think you would like "wacked" dreams though. lol

  • Pat Robertson confessing he's a theivin crook, that would be better to see than when whats his name confessed his adultry.

    Chelle if theres plenty of guns and ammo in the bunker I won't need to eat the food you have stored :)

  • Greenland? Why on earth would you want to go to Greenland? It's so desolate. How about Iceland or Denmark?
  • You and Bernanke have a great plan with the escape to Greenland. Are additional bunkers available? I'll dream up some man-slaves to serve our every whim while there!
  • Are reprints of your artworks available for sale?
  • I once had a dream where my buddy found me bruised and bloody in a dark alley. He asked me what happened, and I said "No matter how much rap music you listen to, do not go up to a group of black guys and say 'What's up my niggas'" That was the whole dream.
  • @ Mikey ~ I know! I should have been a writer for Seinfeld lol! :p

    @ Charlie ~ Haha! Sooo... when are you going to do a post about YOUR screwy dreams, hmmm?? ;)

    @ a-6dude ~ I bet he has said it, at least you know he thinks it!! :p

    @ Mooooooooog ~ You are most definitely NOT gay. Unless your wife is a man and you just don't want to admit it. :D





  • I dreamt I ate tacos off of nine Kramers.

    Does that mean I'm gay?

    Or that I really like tacos?



  • I thought Jon Stewart did say that! You mean, it's not true?
  • Glad I am not the only person in the world with screwy dreams...

    LOL

    Those are good ones!



  • Wow! That Kramer really gets around. They probably coulda wrote an episode based on that very dream and gotten fantastic ratings. Of course, it may be slightly offensive, but isn't that the point?!?
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