Hey, I am not sure if I should be offended by this, but apparently, yours truly has a Ned-Beatty-squealing-like-a-pig sort of allure that has attracted the attention of some rebel-flag waving, alligator wrestling, swamp stomping, gun loving members of the Peach State.
That’s right, a group of 2nd Amendment defending Georgians, who belong to a gun forum (Hooyah!), seem to have their collective sights set on me.
Yep, all thanks to my post about killing Bambi’s mommy and daddy, they are all fired up and want me to come and play with their guns. I guess the sight of real sized deer is what did it, I’m not sure hehe:
Yeeeeahhhhh, I know!!
That is a nice gun, isn’t it?!
Now, I may not be afraid of grizzly bears, or eco-tourists, or Yellowstone erupting, or having a Fatwa issued against me, or even Google aka the Antichrist, but between you and me, well, I am a bit afeared of these guys!
OK, I AM afraid of Google, but still.
Anyhoo, it didn’t help that my Italian soccer star look-alike ex lover boy, Mr. Fly himself, found out they were talking shit and got them all stirred up over there, either.
Ugh.
Yeah, and knowing him, he probably sent each and every one of them those naked pictures of me, too:
He so did not! He couldn’t even afford toilet paper.
I frigging paid for them with the tip money I got working at Hooters, dammit!!
UGH!!!
I knew I should have accidentally shot his ass when we were out bowhunting and romping our way naked through the forest together!
I mean, thanks to him, what if right now, a couple of them are loading up their squirrel shooters and a case of duct tape and are heading up here to Idaho, with impure thoughts in their minds, bent on taking me back to their snake and spider and varmint infested underground Armageddon bunker just to get me all liquored up and have their way with me?!!
OK, well we both know that those two bastards are too lazy to do it themselves, but… what if they pooled their moonshine money together and are hiring a horde of squirrel shooting, deuling banjo playing, cousin kissing swamp stompers to come up and steal me away from this picture-postcard, grizzly bear infested, eco-friendly tourist trap that I call home??
Hey, don’t give me that look, it could happen!!
My only hope is that they are a bunch of p*ssies down there, and they won’t be able to convince anyone to dare come up here into grizzly bear and white supremacist country to get me:
Yes, they are!
Unlike down there, the real men up here in Idaho aren’t afraid of grizzly bears and sure the hell aren’t afraid to duct tape me and throw me into the back of their truck and drive me to their underground Armageddon bunker and get me all liquored up and have their way with me.
They sure wouldn’t let some Peach Stater take me away from them, either!
Plus, my Fatwa friends would put up one hell of a fight for me. Especially if a horde of squirrel shooting, deuling banjo playing, cousin kissing swamp stompers showed up:
Not to mention Jesus.
I mean, he is the father of at least one of my children so he would totally save me because, well, I am his best customer so Jesus frigging loves me even more than those crazy Fatwa bastards do:
And now that he is back up here with his taco truck, I prefer to stay here too, right where I belong, thank you very much!!
I mean, believe me, NOTHING would convince me to allow myself to forsake Jesus and get all liquored up and ravaged down in some underground bunker in Georgia.
NO THING AT ALL WHATSOEVER.
Nope.
Then again…. what if this guy is from down there:
Hmmmm!!!!
You know… I might just have to load up MY Hello Kitty AR-15 and a case of duct tape into MY monster truck and go bring HIS ass back up here to MY underground Armageddon bunker where I’ll get him all liquored up and then have my way with that monster truck and boat.
Hooyah!!
Hmm, I wonder if they have taco trucks that I can hit while I’m down there in the Peach State!
Chelle B.
Wednesday, September 17th, 2008, 6:00 am | 
Gun Offensives, Human Rights Offensives, Just For Fun | 
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