The "Oy Vey! The Jewish Conundrum.." Offensive

No offense, but I think that yours truly holds the answer to the mystery which has them collectively scratching their little yarmulke covered heads over at JewsVote.org:

In presidential elections, when choosing between a more progressive candidate and a more conservative candidate, Jews overwhelmingly choose the more progressive candidate. Between 1924 and 2004, Jews have given their vote to the more progressive candidates at an average rate of 76 percent. In fact, none of the more conservative candidates has ever mustered more than 40 percent of the Jewish vote, while more than half received less than 20 percent.

Given this history, why is Barack Obama hovering at 60 percent of the Jewish vote, according to three separate polls? Is this all the product of a highly effective rumor campaign, spread through Jewish networks often by well-meaning individuals concerned that they information they received was true? Or is there something more?

Is there something more, they ask?!

What. The. Hell.

Don’t these people frigging read my blog??!

Ugh.

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I know what you’re thinking and no, I did not start any sort of rumor campaign to get them to vote for Ron Paul, I swear it.

In fact, I only had their very best interest at heart when I snapped this picture during a recent campaign speech that Obama gave here in Idaho:

Oh and before you hit speed dial on your phone and call the ACLU on me, just to clarify, that would be a campaign speech that he gave in Northern Idaho.

Where the white supremists live.

Not to be mistaken for Eastern Idaho, which is where me, those crazy, secret underground Armageddon bunker-stocking white Mormons and Jesus my taco truck guy live.

What do you mean you thought all of Idaho was full of white supremists??

Ugh.

Here, I even have a visual just so you feel safe again:

See?

I don’t even live within driving distance of those crazy bastards up there in Northern Idaho.

OK, that’s not true, I do and I did make sure that I was up there when Obama gave his speech, because, well, dammit, those Neo-Nazi guys have some good sticky, imported “incense”, not to mention tips on how to stock and fortify my secret underground Armageddon bunker!

They are the ones who made sure I remembered to put toilet paper in there.

Anyhoo, between you and me, I think Obama was trying a bit too hard to show us whitey’s that he is just one of us, but just in case he really is a white supremist Neo-Nazi (who has his own secret underground Armageddon bunker and clings to his guns and religion like the rest of us here), I sent that picture to every Jewish synagogue and kosher deli that I could find.

Because you know, they are white and they have a right to know just how white he is, too.

Oh, and I even sent one to the ACLU, because everyone knows that all the best Jewish lawyers work there and they might not have time to hit a temple or deli what with all that work they have protecting my right to offend.

Cuz I am nice like that.

Hooyah!!

:p