No offense if you are one of my regular readers, but you can just ignore this post completely and skip down to read the other posts which are all about me being held in an Afghani prison camp, and Angry Clown’s pus filled boomerang, and how Qelqoth is delusional and THINKS he rules the world (including Greenland, which he doesn’t grrr!!!), and other stuff like that, because this one is not written for you.
It is actually written for all of those bastards in Greenland who think they are better than me.
Which they aren’t.
They just think they are.
Because, as everyone knows, they are arrogant bastards like that. That’s right, and this post is going to set them all straight once and for fucking all because, well, someone has to have the balls to tell them and unlike you, I don’t really care what Greenland thinks of me.
Or whether they ever visit my blog.
Hey, I’m serious! I don’t need them. I have millions of other international visitors who are not only more worthy, but are most likely much better looking and much smarter than everyone in Greenland put together!
Not to mention the billions of fans I have right here in the good ol’ red white and blue U S of A!!
I mean, between you and me, I really don’t even want anyone from that godforsaken country of Greenland visiting my blog and leaving their inuit cooties all over it.
You and I both know that they probably don’t properly wash up after their sick baby seal bashing orgies.
Hey, I watch the National Geographic Channel! I’ve seen where those sick Greenlandic bastards take blood stained clubs and crack the innocent little skulls of innocent little baby seals open and eat their brains and then having sick, Satanic orgies with each other while smearing themselves with the bloody innards.
Ugh.
Not to mention they are all jealous of me and of Idaho.
Don’t give me that look, it’s true!!
You probably don’t know this, because you spend all your time looking at clown porn, but there has always been a deep seated jealousy between us and them.
Why?!!
Heh.
Well, a few reasons, really.
For one, they think they have the market on suicidal thought inducing winters and jaw droppingly gorgeous picture postcard scenery but let me tell you, we fucking blow them out of the water!!
Have you seen the Grand Tetons?!?!
Well, OK, so technically the Grand Tetons are in Wyoming, but hey, I live on the Wyoming border in Idaho and I can see them and believe me, by November the sight of them and all that fucking snow makes me not only drop my jaw but it also makes me quite suicidal, thank you very much!!
They don’t even start to get suicidal up there until January because, let’s face it, they are a bunch of pussies.
So are their bears.
That’s right, our grizzly bears could kick all their polar bear’s asses and I am not afraid to say it.
What, are they going to issue some sort of Greenlandic Fatwa on me for saying it??!
Ha!
Don’t make me laugh.
They wouldn’t even know how to issue a Fatwa, but I sure the fuck can!!
In fact, I may have to issue one against them because they think they are too good to visit my lovely blog.
I hate them all.
Oh! And do you know what else makes them jealous of me and Idaho???
That’s right, we have much better looking men here and they can’t stand it!!!
Their men are all fat, ugly, Eskimo types and…
….ugh.
Damn.
See??
I told you, our men are good looking!!!
I mean…
Yeah.
Damn.
They only dream about having men as good looking as ours in Greenland, but they don’t.
Because they suck.
Yep, and they all look like that, here, too.
Every.
Last.
One.
Of.
Them.
Damn.
Oh, um, heh. Sorry, I’m going to have to finish this letter to all of you Greenland bastards later. I uh, have some stuff that needs fixed and I have to, uh, hire some local help to get it done.
Yeah.
Fuck Greenland anyway.
Who needs them??
Not me!!
Chelle B.
Sunday, October 12th, 2008, 6:12 pm | 
Greenland Offensives, I Hate Greenland | 
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