The "Happy Day Before My Birthday!!!!" Offensive

31 Oct

Well, since tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY (on All Saint’s Day, mind you!) I am taking today off from slaving here at The Offended Blogger, and as a special Halloween treat I am bringing to you the first ever guest blog post by an actual undead blogger. I’d like you to meet John, my resident Ouija board spirit. Don’t be a sissy, he’s cool, and he promised he would write a great Offensive while I am gone. Which he fucking better or the board is going to be lining the litter box for a week. So, enjoy, and Happy Day Before My Birthday!!!!

H….I….M….Y….N….A….M….E….I….S….J….O….H….N….A….N…D….I….A….M…
C….H….E….L….L…E….S…
O….I….U….J….A….B….O….A….R….D….G….H…..O….S….T….

B….E….T….W….E….E…..N….Y….O….U….A….N….D….M….E….
C….H….E….L….L….E….B….I….S….A…
C….R….A….Z….Y….B….I….T….C….H….!….!….

S….H….E….S….A….Y….S….S….H….E….I….S….N….T….
L….E….T….T….I….N….G….
M….E….C….R….O….S….S….O….V….E….R…..U….N….T….I….L….
I….G….I….V….E….H….E….R….T….H….E….W….I….N….N….I….N….G….
L….O….T….T….E….R….R….Y….N….U….M….B….E….R….S….

S….H….E….S….C….A….R….E….S….M….E….

I….T….H….I….N….K….S….H….E….I….S….A….D….E….M….O….N….

P….L….E…..A….S….E….C….A….L….L…..A….
P….R….I….E….S….T….F….O….R…..M….E….?

*** THANK YOU FOR SUBSCRIBING TO MY OFFENSES!!! ***
  • LOL

    Well, happy belated birthday. Even though you were born on All Saints Day, and you seem to be as sweet as honey by all appearances, you are quite sinful.
    You want more irony?
    I was born on St. John the Baptist's birthday (according to varous cultures and religions). And let me tell you... I'm no saint either! See ya in hell Chelle! =D



  • Happy Birthday To You
    Happy Birthday To You
    Happy Birthday OffendedBlogger
    Happy Birthday To You!

    It's almost time. Happy Halloween and Happy Celts New Year. I learned that from Anok. Have a superbly wonderful day!




  • 10 out of 10 for original idea. I'd still rather have gotten candy though. Except I'd have likely choked on it when I heard you were born on All Saints Day :>)
  • Happy Birthday you crazy bitch! I agree with you....what is in it for you? If you let him cross over..you should get some digits!
  • LL
    "Chelle, I'm with you -- I say keep his ass on this side until he gives up the numbers!"

    Damn straight!

    He at least could have wished you a happy birthday...



  • None of you care about poor John?!! How rude! :P
  • Happy Birthday Eve. :)

    All Saints Day

    *snickers*



  • Good golly, I'm on a sugar high....I ate all the candy....but while I'm still jittery, I wanted to wish you an offensive birthday.

    I hope they call you a hag and tell you how awful and old you look...cuz hey...you are an equal opportunity offender!

    Offend unto others, as they offend unto you!



  • Hmm... Take care, Chelle. I think this one is about to call the Exorcist. Try being sweet for a while. And then you can sucker punch the hell out of him when he's not expecting it.

    And... I'm not sure what time it is over there, but I'll risk it.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Dang. Keep forgetting that can't see me throwing the decorative stuff and blowing the musical pipes. All that effort for nothing.
    :(

    Still...

    Happy Birthday, Chelle!










  • Chelle, I'm with you -- I say keep his ass on this side until he gives up the numbers!

    hehehe...I still get a chuckle at the thought of you being born on All Saints Day. Talk about irony. :)

    Anyhowser, Happy Early Birthday!



  • Happy almost Birthday!
  • All I can think about is how long it took you (er, your ghost writing ouija board) to write all that out. That, and Happy pre birthday! And Happy Halloween!
  • * snort * Happy Pre-Birthday!

    And I'm blown away by your blog's new opening fanfare - very swank!

    Happy Halloween and have fun...

    XO

    Anna







  • Don
    C'mon Chelle. He can't give you winning lotto numbers. Poor John...let him crossover will ya? Believe me, he'll go back on his own once he takes a look around.
  • OK, you're going to think I'm a total freak- but I can't click on the "more" link for the Ouiija post...because I'm scared. I am so not kidding. I am scared to death of Ouija boards, even funny ones. So. Hope you don't take "offense" but - It's the visit that counts, right?
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