OK, so, I hate to admit defeat, but earlier I gave up a valiant attempt to make a list of people who are impossible to offend. Don't look at me like that. Believe me, I am not typically a quitter! Well, OK, I did quit smoking crack and shooting smack for awhile, but still, I quit those for the right reason and I quit making my list for pretty much the same reason!Why??
It was just no fun after awhile.
Hey, let's see you try it! Believe me, a few people who you think are impervious to being offended nearly always surprise you at the end of the day.
For instance, I know for a fact that right here on my lovely blog I personally have offended Islamics, Mormons, old people and poor drivers and we both know that there is a laundry list of others who are way too frigging easy to offend, including but not limited to; college professors, whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Injuns, Jews, Buddhists, vegans, celebrities, politicians, clergy, gays, homophobes, atheists, cannibalistic serial killers and mommy bloggers!
Yeah.
Seriously, I could fill this page with people who are easily offended and I really did have great hopes at first, and was going to be soooo proud of my shiny list of people who are immune to being offended, but thanks to Google (who I am sure is more easily offended than they let on!) I found evidence that even many of the infamous, long dead figures from history who were renown for their ability to offend the masses have themselves been offended by various things!!
People such as Hitler, Attila the Hun and Amy Winehouse, to name a few.
Ugh.
I know.
Even Caligula was apparently so offended by the smell of gangrene that developed because of the injuries inflicted upon some hapless official whom he had ordered flogged, undoubtedly for his perverted amusement, that he put the poor bastard out of both of their miseries just to dispel the offending odor!
Yeah! I mean, you would think frigging Caligula would be a sure bet, right??
Erm... WRONG!!
Really, though, think of it, who on the planet can not be offended by SOMETHING?? I know you get offended and between you and me, even I get offended on occasion.
That's right, I admit it!
Honestly, only one person comes to mind and really, he doesn't count because technically he is a fictional character and that would be that deaf, dumb, blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball but I bet even he would get offended if you walked up and slapped him right upside his head hard enough to knock him off balance just as he was about to beat his own best score.
Heh.
Fucker.
Admit it, it would be funny to do, though!
Yeah, so anyhoo, if you can think of ONE single solitary person, and I know you can't, drop me a name.
I bet you can't think of any!! :)
So what you're saying is that your goal of offending people is trivially simple. Everyone is easily offended. You've set yourself a low bar to jump over in your life's primary objective. That's not such a bad thing because only having low bars to jump over means that you can get to the booze faster and more easily.
You're right,I can't. I think it's impossible.
Chelle..do you mean Tommy? He's offended too. And don't forget red-neck whores.
Love you more than bunnies
Eve
Chelle..do you mean Tommy? He's offended too.
Love you more than bunnies
Eve
And Fuller brush salesmen...Avon ladies...and the Girl Scouts. I like to help out when I can.
Eve
Hmmmm...I wonder if you've offended Satan yet?!! Yah, surely you have. :D
I've been thinking about it. There is a group of people you can't offend. Stupid people. I'm not talking about your average dumb-ass stupid person. I'm talking about the absolutely worst, stupider-than-shit idiots. People who weren't able to get into kindergarten because they lost their space when an sedimentary rock scored higher than them on the entrance tests. (Some politicians and pretty much all of the true-believer evangelists come to mind.) These people are so stupid that even if you hit them with your worst offensive barrages they wouldn't have a fucking clue they were being insulted. "Thank you, thank you so much. Have a nice day," would be their response to the worst you can throw at them.
I have a coworker who I’ve tried to offend over and over again. I’ve made fun of her alcoholism, pill addiction, bad teeth, shakiness, oldness, dumbness, ugliness and any other type of ness and NUTIN’!
But I'll keep at it because that's how I roll!
You can't offend Barney the Dinosaur. He loves you, you love him, and we're all one big family!
You are right I think it's an impossiblity, unless well they are retarded, belive me it hard to offend the tards, that shit just goes over their heads
I think you should have a post that specifically offends people of ALL religions.
I mean, that's just fair, right?
I think you'd have a hard time offending the Teletubbies, even the gay one.
@ Everyone - Well, I'd LIKE to offend the following people right now:
Mother nature for the weather (grr!)
My satellite internet provider for sucking and not making my connection weather proof (grr again)
My baby kitten for clawing the hell out of my face while I napped to day since I had NO INTERNETZ!! :*(
Just try and offend Chuck Norris. It's impossible, because no insult can withstand his round-house kick.
You've only offended me because you won't come to PA and let me ravage you...
@ Shamus - You may be right! Holy shit, I forgot about him. Chuck is impervious to all forms of assault.
@ John J. Savo - I could be there by breakfast, what are you going to cook for me? ;)