OK, so, I hate to admit defeat, but earlier I gave up a valiant attempt to make a list of people who are impossible to offend. Don’t look at me like that. Believe me, I am not typically a quitter! Well, OK, I did quit smoking crack and shooting smack for awhile, but still, I quit those for the right reason and I quit making my list for pretty much the same reason!
Why??
It was just no fun after awhile.
Hey, let’s see you try it! Believe me, a few people who you think are impervious to being offended nearly always surprise you at the end of the day.
For instance, I know for a fact that right here on my lovely blog I personally have offended Islamics, Mormons, old people and poor drivers and we both know that there is a laundry list of others who are way too frigging easy to offend, including but not limited to; college professors, whites, blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Injuns, Jews, Buddhists, vegans, celebrities, politicians, clergy, gays, homophobes, atheists, cannibalistic serial killers and mommy bloggers!
Yeah.
Seriously, I could fill this page with people who are easily offended and I really did have great hopes at first, and was going to be soooo proud of my shiny list of people who are immune to being offended, but thanks to Google (who I am sure is more easily offended than they let on!) I found evidence that even many of the infamous, long dead figures from history who were renown for their ability to offend the masses have themselves been offended by various things!!
People such as Hitler, Attila the Hun and Amy Winehouse, to name a few.
Ugh.
I know.
Even Caligula was apparently so offended by the smell of gangrene that developed because of the injuries inflicted upon some hapless official whom he had ordered flogged, undoubtedly for his perverted amusement, that he put the poor bastard out of both of their miseries just to dispel the offending odor!
Yeah! I mean, you would think frigging Caligula would be a sure bet, right??
Erm… WRONG!!
Really, though, think of it, who on the planet can not be offended by SOMETHING?? I know you get offended and between you and me, even I get offended on occasion.
That’s right, I admit it!
Honestly, only one person comes to mind and really, he doesn’t count because technically he is a fictional character and that would be that deaf, dumb, blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball but I bet even he would get offended if you walked up and slapped him right upside his head hard enough to knock him off balance just as he was about to beat his own best score.
Heh.
Fucker.
Admit it, it would be funny to do, though!
Yeah, so anyhoo, if you can think of ONE single solitary person, and I know you can’t, drop me a name.
I bet you can’t think of any!! 
Monday, November 17th, 2008, 2:30 pm | 
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