I don't know about you, but I really miss the good old days where the rule of law was that if someone pissed you off you could just accuse them of witchcraft and then watch in glee as the townsfolk banned together to form a lynch mob and subjected them to unspeakable acts of torture based solely on your false accusation.I mean, why can't we still do that?!
Also, you tell me, why is it that I live surrounded by all of these fundamentalist nutters that belong to the Cult of Joseph Smith, yet nothing exciting ever happens to make it worth my while??
I mean, for christsake, why do they have to be so boring?
Why can't they could do something cool like burn an occasional witch at the stake or drive some demon possessed lunatic off of a cliff, or SOMETHING FUN, just to entertain me, you know??
Why can't they become like Shiite Mormons and hold vampiric, bloodletting festivals in the streets?
Well, it would be entertaining at least.
Believe me, anything would be better than them acting all happy and smiling big fake smiles at me whenever I have to shop at one of their cult run stores here. Which, by the way, I have to shop at soon because I am almost completely out of liquor!
I know.
I feel sorry for me, too.
They don't fool me, though, I know that behind my back those glassy eyed, cultist bastards call me a Whore of Babylon, and a heathen, and even worse, a Gentile and if they could they would burn me at the stake.
Heh. I am far from gentile, believe me!
Between you and me, I think they are plotting to have me baptized in absentia by one of their cult members who happens to pay their tithing regularly and is worthy of entering the lobby of the Great Temple where they keep their pagan baptismal font, which, really, is rather ironic because I am regularly held against my will outside of the aforementioned Temple by large, inbred looking bouncers wearing three piece suits who refuse to let me in the door so that I can hurl insults at them for being so fucking, well, Mormon!!!
Ugh.
Oh well, as soon as I get back with some tequila and tacos I am going to forget all about them and watch Army of Darkness again.
Bruce Campbell would never treat me like that.
He'd kick some Mormon ass for me, too, I bet.
Hooyah!!
:)
Chelle B.
I think they're just mad because you're buying up all the liquor...
Yeah, doesn't it piss you off royally that they got rid of the whole burning at the stake thing. There's nothing good on television anymore. We could use the entertainment.
Of course, we might have to use some of the other forms of torture rather than burning at the stake -- you know, what with global warming, all of that burning might screw up the environment. Instead, we could tether all of the witches, blasphemers and other people we just plain don't like to the blades of those bad ass windmills.
I love this blog! And you look like a younger and blonder Cher!
@ LL - Except all the vodka. ;)
@ Joel - See? At least you understand me. :p
@ Emily - Thanks! And, erm, OK, thanks!! :D
*snickering* Cher...hehehe
C'mon Chelle, I thought they had some kinda magic underwear or some shit like that. Surely, they can't be all bad. Maybe if you offered up a witch and started the wheels rollin' again -- you'd see their funner side. :D
p.s. you are waaaay cuter than Cher!
You should start your own cult and annoy the Mormons with your own literature and sacrificial ceremonies... I bet you could really piss them off with that.
P.S. Your new pic makes me wet.
Well Gosh Chelle B. I guess you'll have to take me off the roles here. I happen to be one of those Cultist Bastards as you so kindly called us. I guess there was supposed to be some humor there. I read through it three times, then asked my "not Mormon" husband if he thought I was being too delicate or touchy because I felt hurt by this. I've always been able to laugh at stuff...even at myself and other members of the church. Hey were are a bit odd...I'll admit it. But I can't find anything to laugh about here. I guess intolerance, ignorance and hatred are alive and well. I'll just be going now.
Nikkicrumpet
@ Nikki - Erm, this is satire and you are proof that Mormons tend to have giant sticks up their offending asses.
I've come to terms with it. :)
I found you through a google search looking for all things ummm a meme-so go ahead tie me to the stake and strike the match,throw rocks at me while i burn-I can take it...just know once I am good and gone i will come back to haunt your meme hatin ass ;-)
Bruce Campbell ALWAYS kicks vast amounts of Mormon ass. He says so in his book, "My Chin And I" (or whatever it was called).
I agree, the decline of mob rule and hysteria is lamentable. We in England haven't gone on some hystrionic rampage for, oo, decades now.
Shame!
Chelle B., you can satire me all ya' want baby! I fondly remember the post you did of me and my fetish for goat sacrificing and drinking of it's blood. I, a Mexi goat eater, think you are HILARIOUS!
Honey, with the way you toss back the tequila, you might have already been baptised by the Mormon Mafia....and you might have ASKED for it!
What happened to the good ol' days? I guess we need to bring this stuff back.