The "Happy B-Day Vince, I DO Love Your Nuts!" Offensive
25 Apr
Today is that fast talking, slap-chopping, hooker slapping, ShamWowing, Vince “you’ll love my Israeli nuts!” Shlomi’s birthday and I wanted to take a moment to tell Vince “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and also pay homage to his nuts because he was right, even though I didn’t want to, I do love them!
Come on now, don’t be jealous! Even though this is his special day, you are more than welcome to join in with me in declaring your love of his nuts, too.
Don’t look at me like that.
It doesn’t make you less of a man (if you happen to be of the penile persuasion) to love, or have a school girl crush on, another man’s nuts.
I mean, if you are like every other red blooded, American male, you love your own nuts, and you probably openly declare it and encourage your fellow man to do the same:
Does that make you some sort of immoral weirdo??
OK, so maybe it does a little bit, but hey, who am I to judge, right?
Right!
Anyhoo, now is the time to openly declare your feelings for Vince’s nuts, because let’s face it, between you and me, he is 45 today so we both know that his nuts are already a bit past their prime as it is, and wellllllllll……
……..we all know what time and cheap hookers can do to even the best set of nuts:
Yeaaaahhhhh.
Hell, by next year, they just might dry up altogether and fall completely off and, well, no offense to Vince, but a dried up, wrinkly, old pair of gonads laying on the crusty floor of a Motel 6 isn’t exactly something to get all excited over, now is it??!
Oh well, for now at least, his nuts are better than any other Vince that I know of, including these ones:
Yep.
His nuts are the creme of the crop!
Of course, by this time next year, him and this Vince might have a little more in common:
Hmmm…. maybe if he buffs them with a ShamWow it will help….
