The Weekend Offender Guest Offensive (featuring Ryan Garns)
4 Apr
The “Obama Hires Chelle B. as Public Relations Manager” Offensive
(“The Rachel Maddow Show” comes back from commercial break.)
RACHEL MADDOW: President Obama has uncharacteristically been experiencing a public relations problem in recent weeks. His missteps in meeting with the British Prime Minister as well as his remarks on “The Tonight Show” have left some people questioning if Obama is losing his diplomatic and media savvy. Joining me now to discuss this via satellite from a bunker somewhere in Idaho is Obama public relations manager, Chelle B. Chelle, thank you for joining us.
(Chelle B. appears on screen in a dimly lit bunker in front of a shelf with canned food and weapon supplies. She’s stroking a crossbow.)
CHELLE B.: Thank you for having me, Rachel. And may I say, you’re looking very butch tonight.
MADDOW: Uh… thank you. Let’s get right to it: Last week, President Obama made a rather unfortunate joke about the Special Olympics…
CHELLE B.: Oh, please! The President’s joke about the Special Olympics was not offensive. And everyone saying they were offended by it is just being retarded.
MADDOW: Excuse me?
CHELLE B.: Look, I know something about being offended. I am the Offended Blogger, after all. That’s why Barry hired me as his PR manager. And my view is that people need to lighten the hell up.
MADDOW: Fair enough. Let’s talk about another recent faux pas: President Obama giving the visiting British Prime Minister a set of DVDs as a gift. Some critics, especially in the British press, have said that this makes Obama look cheap.
CHELLE B.: Cheap?? Uh, hello? We’re in a recession here! Those limeys are lucky we didn’t give them a Jack In The Box gift card. But hey, if those British fops would rather watch their BBC cross-dressing shows instead of the Dude, Where’s My Car? Special Edition, we’ll gladly take it back. Of course, we would have to exchange it for The Dark Knight or something cool. Because that Kutcher movie sucked harder than an asthmatic hooker with a cock shaped inhaler.
(Maddow looks stunned.)
CHELLE B.: Hey, don’t look at me like that! Or I’ll sic my Jewish lawyer on you!
MADDOW: I’m sorry, but… I am speaking with Obama’s public relations manager, right?
CHELLE B.: Don’t be coy, Maddow. You and all the rest of the bleeding-heart Prius pushers in the liberal media are in the tank for Obama. You invited me on your show to help preen the political pony you backed, right? Well, here I am! I’m pimping out the Prez and you’re giving me scenes from Frost/Nixon.
(Maddow tries to regain composure, despite frantic voices coming through her ear piece.)
MADDOW: (hurriedly) Well, it appears we’re all out of time. Chelle B., thank you for joining us.
CHELLE B.: Thanks, Rach. And everyone, be sure to visit The Offended Blogger and Humor Bloggers dot com. But more importantly, be sure to visit RyanGarns.com — I have a huge crush on his blog!
Thanks to Ryan Garns for writing this Guest Offender post! If you would like to be a Guest Offender at The Offended Blogger, drop me an email!
