The "Swine Flu Virus Breeds Racism!" Offensive

Well, it was bound to happen. With this whole ’swine flu hysteria’ going on out there, I just knew it wouldn’t be long until racism raised it’s ugly head and guess what?

Yep.

That’s right.

Of all places, its ugly head reared itself first right here in Idaho!!

I know.

You would think it would have picked an uglier place than this!!!

Between you and me, I blame Jesus.

Really, if he hadn’t called us all ‘white devils’ and threatened to pack up his taco truck and leave town for good, I wouldn’t even be telling you about this or considering calling up my ACLU certified Jewish lawyer, Bernie, to defend me from such vile hate speech!!

Honestly, just because his loyal customers demanded that him and his truck be certified “Swine Flu Free” and held in quarantine for 90 days by the Idaho Fish & Game & Border Patrol doesn’t give him the right to cross the line.

Well actually, now that I think of it, it wasn’t until after he came out of quarantine and found that some of us plastered these swine flu awareness posters all over town that he got all racist on us:

Actually, come to think of it, he wasn’t really pissed at those, either. Probably only because he couldn’t read them since they weren’t bilingual, but hey, he knows my philosophy on people who come here and don’t “speak the English” so what does expect?!!

He sure the hell can’t expect ME to translate them.

Hmmm.

You know, he really wasn’t even mad or spewing hate speech, when, after getting certified and quarantined, some of us still refused to buy tacos (at least not until we saw him wash his hands with Izal’s just so we knew he wasn’t carrying the pig cooties!):

Heh.

Don’t ge me wrong, I do love Jesus and his tacos are to die for, but holy hell, this is a GLOBAL PANDEMIC OF MASS PROPORTIONS we are dealing with here and since the good die young, I’m definitely still too young to go!

Hooyah!!

Anyhoo, NOW I remember what set Jesus off and how this all turned ugly and why he called us white devils and threatened to flee back to Mexico with his taco truck!!

It was when he found out that the guy who runs the local Golden Chopsticks Sushi Bar & Massage Parlor decided to turn kosher on us just to keep from being forced into quarantine by the Idaho Fish & Game & Border Patrol:

I know, what a loser, huh?

I kinda don’t blame Jesus for being bothered by it all. I bet that is a fake holocaust tattoo, too.

Heh.

It’s probably his phone number and I bet he put it there because he thinks he will score with all the hot local Jewish chicks but I have news for him, there aren’t any!!

That’s right, because Idaho is not kosher.

Well, unless you count Bernie, my lawyer.