The "My Other (Totally Non-Offensive!) Blogs" Offensive

22 Sep

Like most every other blogger out there, I am a deeply multifaceted soul who needs more than one outlet to express each of my, well, facets.

Therefore, I have tons of other blogs which help to keep me busy and to keep the general population a whole lot safer.

Unlike this loser, who obviously has no multifacisity whatsoever, nor an interest in public safety:

OK, actually that was one of my first blogs but I kinda gave up on it when they caught the “real” unabomber because let’s face it, droning on and on about Jesus and facism and global elites and communism and how to properly blow things up and blah fucking blah better suits THIS blog anyway.

Along with Rammstein and tacos and running down eco tourists with my monster truck!

Hooyah!

Anyhoo, there are some offensive lines I refuse to cross even here, however, which is why I keep them on my other blogs.

I often resort to using aliases on some of them just so that I can feel free to blog my deepest, darkest, most delicious desires, like the ones you can read about on my Elephantitis of the Scrotum Fetish blog:

Hey, don’t give me that look. Just because I use a fake name doesn’t mean I use a fake picture! I mean can you imagine me as a 300lb, 50 year old man with a fetish for guys with elephantitis of the scrotum??!

If so, that is just wrong and you need some serious help.

OK, so I do use a fake picture of me on my anti-Nazi blog, but that is only to keep from being unfairly attacked by all the uneducated haters who misunderstand me:

It is too an anti-Nazi blog!

Well, it is now.

That is an old screenshot and those were posts from before I realized that Nazism = facism and before I realized that Rammstein aren’t actually gay Nazis. Plus, my Jewish lawyer, Bernie, threatened to sue my ass if I didn’t take it down after I sent him a link.

For an Israelite, he has no sense of humor!!

Heh.

Neither do the FBI, who busted down my door like an army of Stormtroopers when they figured out that I was the alter ego behind this innocent little blog:

Believe me, I am just lucky that Jesus had run out of sticky “incense” to sell me before those guys showed up! Otherwise I may have ended up having to use it instead of offering them all blowjobs to get me out of trouble!

OK, I didn’t really offer them blowjobs. Instead I just showed them one of my other blogs and when they saw it they immediately realized they were not dealing with the type of person they thought I was:

Noooo, not THAT blog, I mean THIS one:

That’s right, that’s me.

So now you know the truth.

Oh, and don’t try busting my door down all Nazi style either (well unless you are Rammstein, they can do that any day!) because believe me, you’ll be sorry.

:)

  • wassup chelle?
    Some wicked sick shit kid.
    I'd love to see how many google searches end up here for the scrotum fetish.
  • Do you also have a "Shitting on the head of Midgets" blog?
  • Your blog is hilarious! I love how you posted images of each blog.

    Check out mine and let me know what you think.
    http://harlemshaterade.blogspot.com
  • Anonymous
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  • I feel so warm and fuzzy now that we've gotten a look at the other "you"...

    That or my eyes are burning from trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind each and every one of you..
  • LOL at THE UNABLOGGER - love it. I think you should bring him back and document his zany adventures
  • Not quite as good as the Terri Schiavo blog which was just entries of "RRRRRRRRRRNGH!!! and "NNNNYYYAAAGGG!"
  • I was shocked--SHOCKED I tell you!--to learn that the members of Rammstein aren't gay Nazis because I'm pretty sure "Du Hast" is about a dude with a large dong, as in "Du Hast Ein Hugen Dongen, Mein Einen Klienen Kampfensnugglen!"

    But then I got to the part about the Pope being the Antichrist and I nearly passed out. I mean, I'd always suspected it, but to have it confirmed like this is something else.

    Great post, Chelle! And may I just add that given your photo in your elephantiasis of the scrotum blog, you ought to consider adding an elephantiasis of the breasts blog, too. It'd probably be a real revenue generator for you and your enormous, uhmm....vocabulary.
  • If they cut out the piece of your brain that governs your ADD, how will you keep up with all your blogs?
  • I thought my elephantitis was a bummer because I was always getting ant bites from walking around with that thing dragging in the dirt--but reading your blog has given me new hope that I can be appreciated for who I am...you are a great humanitarian!
  • WTF? No Bavarian beer wench blog?
  • Alzheimer's Blog is the best idea ever.

    You could just write ONE post and then repost it every single day.

    I'm totally stealing that.
  • Thing is, you KNOW they're out there.
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