The "Generation XXX" Offensive

In today’s modern world of flying machines and real-time streaming data, don’t you feel a bit sorry for all of those old people who must be feeling overwhelmed by our generation’s laissez faire attitude toward all things perverted?

Or rather, our generation’s blatant promotion and celebration of all things perverted??

Imagine being at that awkward age where you still remember being too young to look at the Victorian porn hidden under your older brother’s bed but you’re not “hip” to the fact that you can sell your own collection of vintage Playboys on Ebay (and make a killing since one of them is the one the new Marge Simpson spread is modeled after!).

However, after hearing all the hype, you begrudgingly get a second hand computer with a dial up modem and a membership to wrinklyporn.com but you soon realize that those pop-up Viagra ads aren’t just annoying, they’re downright insulting:

But it’s OK, because you can clicky click anywhere you want, so after finding a killer deal on a case of Viagra from an email sent to you from a El Salvadorian “phramecie” you start feeling like you just might fit into this alien, sinful world after all!

Unfortunately for you, your wife also uses the interwebs and knows what a bunch of sick perverts the rest of us are:

Yeah.

It get’s worse, too!

Your wife dies and after years of questioning your sexuality on oldbicurious.org and perusing findagrave.com and other online obituaries 23 hours a day, you suddenly find yourself wheelchair bound, the last man standing in a dilapidated nursing home, completely helpless and frail, mold growing in your three-month-old diaper while a psychotic fake nurse named Betty stalks you in the empty halls with a hypodermic of succinylcholine hidden behind her back:

Heh.

OK, so maybe all this internet perversion will save your old, wrinkly ass after all!

I say my generation owes it to you to continue our perversions unabated.

Hooyah!!