The "I Smell Sex and Candy" Offensive

28 Oct

So after visiting the local Halloween Boo-tique for the third time this week trying to choose which saucy wench costume to buy, I realized two things. One, the Marci Playground song “Sex and Candy” was stuck in my head for no apparent reason and two, if the ACLU showed up for an unannounced inspection the people who run that place would be in bigggg trouble!

I mean it was obvious to even a lay person that they didn’t give a second thought to political correctness whatsoever when they set up their displays because there were Rastafarian hats hanging right next to the velvet pimp daddy suits which were within viewing distance of those creepy Obama masks.

I know!

Plus, there were several highly inappropriate costumes and props which made reference to other illegal activities and many of those were strategically positioned to face the pregnant nun costume.

Which I bought.

Because I love Jesus that much.

Hooyah!!

At least I thought it was great until I came home with my pregnant nun outfit and realized why that song had been stuck in my head and that I should be offended at the fact that roughly 87.5% of the store was full of saucy wench costumes.

Worse, 93.2% of them had blond haired, blue eyed, large breasted women modeling them on the packages!!

Including my pregnant nun one!

Please.

Everyone knows Catholic girls have brown hair and brown eyes.

Oh well, I suppose I shouldn’t get my holy knickers in a wad over it. It’s not like Halloween is the only sexed up, degraded holiday we have anymore, right?? I mean just take a look at what they’ve done with Yom Kippur.

I’m thinking of converting after Halloween, in fact.

:)

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  • I went to Catholic school. Come to think of it, most of the girls there had brown hair and brown eyes. And if they were blond, the carpet didn't match the curtains.
  • Two things:

    1) You won't like the circumcision when you convert and
    2) I'm going to have to UP MY GAME BEATCH! I need to make it back into your must read list! I'm gonna stew on it and start being the old, caring spaz again. I hope I get hate mail this time around!
  • I went to the Halloween store too. The best thing I saw there was a cock and balls necklace. Tried to upload it to my Twitpic but I think it knew it was too explicit. So it uploaded my tits and ass one instead.

    I think this comment has just about everything mentioned.

    Wait, VAGINA. There we go.
  • madmadmargo
    Sex and Candy.....(cue Julie Andrews) these are a few of my favorite things!
  • Haha! Now THAT song will be stuck in my head.
  • Hahahaha..and I thought my drunken 80's rock band groupie fully equipped with stage pass stuck in my tit was a sure winner..

    Damn pregnant nuns with blonde hair and big boobs win every time..
  • lololololololol

    Drunken 80's rock band groupie sounds almost as fun, though. ;)
  • Pregnant blue eyed blond haird nun that's for sure normal.
  • I see it ALL the time here in Idaho.

    Honest! :)
  • Damn, this post had to be right above mine on the Halloween Humor Carnival list, I glanced at HBDC right before work this morning, saw the title and have had that damn song in my head all day, except for during my high noon salute to "Can't touch this", but that's another story for another day. The worst part is I only know two lines, the first being the title, the second "Who's that lady".

    Thank you for ruining my life

    p.s. I don't know what's going on in that second picture, but after seeing it, I'm glad I'm not Jewish.
  • Hangin' round downtown by myself
    And I had so much time
    To sit and think about myself
    And then there she was
    Like double cherry pie
    Yeah there she was
    Like disco superfly
    I smell sex and candy here
    Who's that lounging in my chair
    Who's that casting devious stares
    In my direction
    Mama this surely is a dream

    lolololololol
  • This reminds me of a post on another blog that showed us the Hot Priests calendar.

    Also? Part of the reason I'm leaving a comment here is because I want to see how the Disqus interface works when there are follow-up comments to mine.
  • It's on this girl Amy's blog called The Bee Dot.
    http://www.thebeedot.com/2009/10/padre-agosto-i...
    Can we use HTML tags here in our comments?
  • Yep! html tags work :)
  • Hmm dunno, let me see.

    I do have it set to moderate any comments with links in them so I had to approve your last comment.
  • Did I hear hot priests?? WHERE IS THIS BLOG?!?! :p
  • We have a store here that's been in the slutty wench Halloween costume business for about thirty years. I think married women must buy most of them, because I swear some of the biggest sluts I know are married!
  • Same here! And most of them are on their 3rd, 4th or 5th marriage. Hmm, why bother?
  • jormengrund
    You love Jesus that much?

    Is that how you're getting your free tacos?
  • *cough* I can not divulge this information. :)
  • Pregnant nun... I LOVE IT!

    I'm a newbie; I am enjoying your blog! Very fun... :o)
  • lol thank you! I have fun writing it. :)
  • Ooooh, velvet pimp daddy costumes...sorry, what'd you say after that? Shiny...;)
  • Shiny AND Blingy. :D
  • Wow. I'm offended on so many different levels. Well done.
  • Just doin' my job. :)
  • Pregnant nun? You chose pregnant nun over wench? Sheesh. That'll be a hard habit to break out of when you go to convert.
  • Me convert?! NEVAH!!
  • ThePeachTart
    Now I've got that song in my head
  • lol me too! At least we're not alone. :)
  • moooooog35
    I go into Halloween stores just to look at the adult ladies' costumes.

    It's like aisle after aisle of softcore porn.

    FYI...you might want to watch your step in aisle 3.

    Perhaps I've said too much.
  • I'm going back now to look for it. ;)
  • Get her Yamakah Ass over here!
  • Well that first guy can Hava my Nagila anytime! :)
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