The "No Fair! I Want My Own Dwarf Commune!!" Offensive
4 Oct
Apparently, in communist China of all places, there is a group of dwarfs who have decided that they are sick of being bullied by the rest of us and have created their very own dwarf utopia.
I know! It’s so not fair!
I mean why can’t I have my own dwarf village???
OK, technically I’m a few inches from being an actual dwarf, but as an American I should be allowed to start my own exclusive commune, right?
Right!
It would be so awesome to have my very own village full of ONLY people like myself: blond haired, blue eyed patriots who love to hunt and fish and stock our secret, underground, Armageddon bunkers with guns and ammo…
…and we’d only listen to Rammstein and teach our little blond haired, blue eyed patriot children that there is a vast government/Google conspiracy and…
You’re right.
If I did that, especially here in Idaho, the Google gestapo would find out and then the CIA, the FBI, the FDA, the Department of Homeland Security and the Idaho Fish and Game and Anti-Utopian Commune Task Force would have us surrounded in no time with bomb sniffing dogs, black ops helicopters and big, strong muscly guys in camo carrying large caliber sniper rifles.
Which, you know, wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing because during the stand off I’m pretty sure deep down they’d appreciate my gun collection:
They’d be all jealous, too.
Hooyah!!
Anyhoo, it wouldn’t be all fun though because their stupid dogs would probably shit on my lawn like my neighbor’s dog, George, does and I’d want to shoot them and then the sniper dudes would shoot at me and I’d have to take a few of them out and the standoff at my awesome commune would end sooner than I’d like and…
Yeah.
Hmmm.
Maybe the Google gestapo wouldn’t mind if we had some token citizens living in our Utopian village?
I mean I could invite these two:
Hey, as long as they like Rammstein and share their bullets with the rest of us, I don’t mind if they aren’t blond!
