Yes, I know I obsess a bit over it and I shouldn’t feel slighted by this most recent injustice which has been so rudely perpetrated against me by my mortal enemy Google aka the Antichrist, but I just can’t help it! I mean honestly, is it my fault that I’d like a little bit of credit for all of the selfless work that I do as a missionary by getting the top spot on Google search??
Ugh!
OK, so maybe being 4th out of 14,400,000 isn’t so bad but I’m pretty sure there is some sort of evil Google numerology at work there which I’ll have to ask my Ouija board dude about later, but still.
Why can’t I be #1???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me to decide to give up a lucrative career in Swedish massage and ball waxing so that I could move to Idaho (shhh my neighors think I’m a native!), build a secret, underground Armageddon bunker, stockpile it with guns, bullets and toilet paper and dedicate my life to making a list of which pacifist Mormons are stockpiling food and water so I know where to go when the time comes and making sure that Jesus’ prophesy about the last days would come true:
“And then shall many be offended, and blah blah blah, blah blah blah.”
Don’t look at me like that, it is too a real scripture!
Heh.
If you weren’t such a heathen you’d know this, and you’d also move to Idaho, convert to Mormonism and have your own well stocked Armageddon bunker so I could add you to my list but lucky for you I’m here and I’m on a mission to insure that even you have a chance to be spared from frying like a piece of bacon over the eternal backyard firepit of Satan himself.
You’re welcome!
Oh, and ironically, according to Google I’m doing a bang up job of it, too:
Coincidence?
I think not.
Monday, November 16th, 2009, 8:45 am | 
Armageddon Offensives, Google Offensives, Mormon Offensives, Personal Offensives | 
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