The "Not In MY Backyard!" Offensive
3 Nov
For my first contribution to this month’s Humor Bloggers Unite Against Injustice Campaign, I’ve decided to tackle an issue that hits close to home for me: wild coyotes who feast upon the innocent flesh of unsuspecting teenage folk singers.
I know!
And it happened right in my own backyard!!
OK, so it actually happened in some remote area of Canada, but still. The very idea that it could happen in my backyard is chilling to say the least and we both know that it won’t be long before the Canadian coyotes will be bragging to the Montana coyotes and they’ll tell the Idaho coyotes and…
I know!
I mean it’s bad enough that I have to worry about being eaten alive by hobo spiders, grizzly bears, rabid wolves and psychopathic serial killing cannibals who are just passing through on their way to Florida, but now if I decide to sell all of my guns and buy a second hand acoustic guitar and wander off into the “beauty and serenity” of the woods looking for inspiration for my next song, I have to watch my back for coyotes bent on keeping me from winning the next Canadian Idol, too??
Jesus.
Don’t look at me like that.
It could happen.
OK, probably not because (a) I have no illusions about the illusion of the serenity of the woods and (b) thank God I live in Idaho where I don’t have to go out into them armed with only inspiration and an acoustic guitar!!
Hooyah!
Oh yeah and (c) here in Idaho our coyotes know better because we can kill them ALL YEAR LONG and hang their dead carcasses up on fence posts as a warning sign to the others!
Which we do!
Hooyah again!!
Still, it doesn’t change the fact I worry that the rest of you probably aren’t safe from the possibility that vicious coyotes may be lying in wait just around the corner….
….so I hereby avow to fight this injustice the best way I know how!!
By staying right here in Idaho and killing as many of those little bastards that I can.
You’re welcome!!
