Soooo, now that I have all this extra time on my hands as a result of avoiding Mother Nature’s wrath and the offensive sight of Mr. Euro dork (see post below), I decided it was time to do what’s right and clean out a bunch of shit from my computer.
Boy, that was a mistake!
Please don’t ask why, but there must be thousands of offensive photos scattered all over my hard drive!!
The worst part is, they’ve been there so long now that I don’t even know how most of them got there or what my original intent was for them!
Not only that, but let me just say that a few of them even managed to offend me when I looked at them again.
Ugh.
OK, I know what you’re thinking, “Chelle B., so, uh, just how offensive are these photos? Are we talking bad enough that if Google saw them they would put you away in a secret Google prisoner of war camp somewhere in eastern Russia for the next 50 years?! Would you end up being the big, scary, Google prisoner of war camp warden’s bitch and would she make you scrub every single inch of both her and all of the toilets down every night with your Google issued toothbrush and then make you watch…“.
Hey!
Stop it already!!
No, I don’t have anything that bad, well except for the ones with me and Jesus, but still!
Actually, those pictures are still in my camera, most of the one’s that Google can hack in and see on my computer are just random pictures that they’ve already seen since I pilfered them from Google images to begin with. 
Hey, don’t give me that look, I have a disclaimer at the bottom of this page that explicitly protects my right to pilfer other people’s stuff!!
For some reason, though, as much as I found these pilfered goodies worthy at the time, they just didn’t make it past the editing room floor, so I guess I just have to throw them out.
Like for instance, this one:
Hmmm… you know, I kind of like him and his hose the more I look at him.
Yeah.
He’s got it going on.
In fact, I think I’ll keep that one and use it for some future post about what it will be like living in a post Apocalyptic world with cyborg men who have hoses instead of penises or something.
Oh, and speaking of penises, then there’s this one, which, the more I look at it, the more I am intrigued by it, too:
For those of you who sat out Economics 101, that’s Alan Greenspan, former chairman of the Federal Reserve, and apparently he is bragging about his *ahem* “portfolio” size while he testified before Congress.
Heh.
Dirty old bastard.
I always thought he was a closeted pervert!
Knowing him, I bet he was exaggerating a bit there, too, but really, who cares? He’s as old as dirt and richer than the frigging Pope, so it really doesn’t matter if he even has a portfolio at all at this point in his life.
Oh, and speaking of the Pope, I also found this picture of him and saved it, but for some unknown reason I just never used it:
Hey, that is the Pope proselytizing himself, isn’t it?!
Oh, alright, I know that’s not the Pope.
Obviously it has tits so I am thinking it is just some nun who is having a rough morning after an all-nighter at the rectory.
That looks painful, too!!
Seriously, though, I have no clue who that is supposed to be and no offense or anything, but I don’t really care to care, either.
All I know is that it’s considered “art” by some modern day weirdo, and all I can think is ‘holy shit, what the fuck is wrong with people that they find that at all worthy of attention and/or recognition?!’
I mean… is that supposed to be entrails coming out of her ass?!
If so, that is just wrong on so many levels and whoever created that piece of “art” needs to be seriously evaluated by a team of medical professionals, committed to an asylum and then accidentally electrocuted during shock therapy.
And then run over by my monster truck a few dozen times.
Ugh!!
Anyhoo, this next one is much better and sure to offend everyone, so I’m not quite sure why I haven’t put it to good use yet:
Hey, I guess I just did, didn’t I?!
Oh, come on, now, admit it, that is funny!!!
I mean, I’m not really even a big gay liberal or anything, but hell, I’d buy it!!! Then I’d make my ginormous dog, Brutus, wear it.
Then, I’d walk him through town on Sunday afternoon, right past the disturbingly big Mormon Temple with all the disturbingly Mormon Mormons hanging around outside in the parking lot, doing whatever it is they do, like proselytizing each other in their sacred underwear.
Heh.
I’d love to see their faces if I did that! Brutus hates Mormons and wants to eat them as it is.
You know, the more I look through my little collection of offensive pictures that I scraped off of Google images, the more I think that I should just go find some more to use and maybe write a new Offensive about stuff like, oh I don’t know, how I want Brutus to eat those annoying Mormon bastards?!
Or…. I could just say to hell with it for today, go order that shirt for my dog and then hit up on Jesus down at the taco truck.
Hooyah!!
That sounds like a much better plan.
Mmmmm, tacos.
:p
Hungry? Click over to
humor-blogs.com, Jesus’s taco truck is parked over there.
According to the Camden Journal online, this piece by Paul Day is described as “a businessman falling, or jumping, from a crowded Underground platform while a Grim Reaper figure drives a train towards him – all reflected in a giant pair of sunglasses.”, and was targeted for removal from a local train station due to the fact that it was deemed “too offensive” to train conductors, suicide victim’s families and suicide support groups.
Believe me, I know a few sheep herders around here and he better just stay the hell away from Idaho if he knows what is good for him!!
