The Offended Blogger

Hey, fellow offenders, guess what?!! Yesterday was a monumental day in the ongoing battle against the easily offended in this great nation of ours!! That’s right, the Supreme Court upheld a ruling in Arizona that on the surface may seem inconsequential, but in the bigger scheme of things it is just one small step toward victory for us all and a giant leap for freedom of speech nationwide. Here is an excerpt from a TOTALLY unbiased article on the case:

In arguing for the state, James Morrow, an assistant state attorney general, previously said “The state must have the power to decline to express viewpoints that it does not wish to express.”

“Many Arizonans may be offended if they believe that Arizona is sponsoring a pro-choice message, just as many Arizonans may be offended if they believe that Arizona is sponsoring a pro-life message,” he said.

OK, so my source isn’t exactly unbiased, but still!

At the heart of the matter was this rather adorable and innocent and happy-go-lucky looking license plate:

Awwwwwww, I know!!

I told you it was adorable.

Of course, it is a little too adorable and upbeat to go on MY monster truck, but I could totally see it gracing the back of this guy’s car:

OK, not really.

But you know, I still don’t understand what all the fuss is about or why the members of the Supreme Court had to be drug off of their cushy nursing home tennis courts to rule on this frivolous lawsuit.

I mean, if I were in charge of making license plates worthy of offending the masses and being challenged all the way to the Supreme Court, and forcing the Supreme Court Justices off of their cushy nursing home tennis courts, they would sure be a whole hell of a lot better than that one!

For instance, mine would look something like:

Ohhhh yeahhhhh.

Well I am!!

Of course, I wouldn’t limit myself to just making one offensive license plate, nor would I limit myself to messages about adorable, innocent and happy-go-lucky children, either.

As you know, I am an equal opportunity offender:

I dare you to give me one good reason not to!!

Think about it, there are an infinite number of events and people and animals that I could draw inspiration from:

Well they did!!

Then they blamed it on my poor Fatwa friends:

Heh.

Don’t listen to them, they lie!!

Believe me, the Jews make them say that.

They control the world, you know.

And Hollywood!!

Anyhoo, since I am a huge supporter of Darwinism, I would definitely have to make some like this:

That’s right!!

Let natural selection do the frigging job that God intended it to do and decrease the surplus population.

Survival of the fittest is very biblical, dammit.

Oh, and speaking of that!! Being the old fashioned kind of girl that I am, I’d have to make one just for my friends down south:

Hey, don’t give me that look.

I’m all for bringing back child slavery, too!! White handicapped children even!!

Oh, and don’t even get me started on these losers:

OK, I admit it, that was a bit mean.

Even though it’s true and you know it!!!

They are no more special than you or I and it is time we stopped elevating them up there like they are special.

Because they’re not.

Ugh.

Look, I am a bleeding heart liberal so I can’t help it if I feel that everyone should be treated equally!!

We are ALL special.

Yep, we ALL deserve to have guilt inspired, non-taxable, charitable contributions of immense proportions made to all of us in order to fund our favorite weekend and after school activities.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m all for getting free bullets, taco truck tacos, sticky “incense” money and new tires for my monster truck!!

Hooyah!!

Then I would be able to run over these losers (who drive 20 miles an hour on the way to Yellowstone, in their little annoying out-of-state cars, annoying the f*ck out of me, thinking they are better than me just because they fought off Nazis and Fascists and stuff!!!):

OK, you’re right, they aren’t all cowards.

Just the ones who drive off into the ditch because my giant monster truck zooming up on their ass in their rear view mirror reminds them of one of Hitler’s Panzerkampfwagens so they have flashbacks and try to take cover.

Hey, it’s purely coincidental that I painted it camouflage and bought a grille that looks like a Panzerkampfwagen!!

Sissies.

You know, even though I do enjoy scaring the old WWII veteran tourists and am all for decreasing their surplus population, I’d much rather run this easily offended bastard into a ditch with my camouflage, Panzerkampfwagen grilled monster truck:

But only because of his bumper stickers.

I frigging HATE communism!!

Chelle B.