The "Consider Yourself Served, Mr. Obama!" Offensive
9 Sep
I’m sure you would agree that it is only fair that someone should pay for me being dropped on my head as a child so naturally I decided to sue Obama because (a) I’m already getting my dad’s vintage collection of beer steins, porno mags and nose hair trimmers when he kicks the bucket and (b) lets face it, there is nothing better than being an American where you have the liberty to sue anyone, including the sitting president.
Even if he is half black!
I know!
God I love this country.
Of course, like you, I had no idea that you could sue the president at all but I had always kind of wondered, and then I allowed myself to have a glimmer of hope, and then I became completely obsessed with the idea and couldn’t sleep for 6 days straight thinking of the possibilities and during that time I had an epiphany.
I realized that if I hallucinated about and/or dreamed of it, surely it had crossed our forefather’s minds during times of strife and unrest, too, right?
Of course it did:
Hell, I’m sure it has even crossed the minds of more than a few of our non-forefathers over the years as well! Especially ones who embraced the atheistic evil which is communism and suddenly found themselves out of a job thanks us and our God fearing, capitalistic ways:
Heh.
Poor bastards.
Um, NOT!
Hey it’s not my fault that they had to go from being in uniform at the Berlin Wall to being in uniform flipping burgers at a Berlin McDonalds. They should have been born in Amerika. Then if they didn’t like flipping burgers they could sue the president because just like the song says, it really is wunderbar here!
Hooyah!
Anyhoo, like I was saying, just because my dad was a Navy sailor and came home all liquored up, on Navy sanctioned liquor, why should I carry on completely uncompensated every time I forget where I put the keys, or where I parked the car, or whether I left the stove on, or which of my children is my taco truck guy’s bastard child, or whether or not I’m the mother of one of Till Lindemann’s many bastard children and if so, would he want me to dress up in a Bavarian beer wench outfit and wait for him to come home from tour so he can…
Argh!!!!
See what I mean?!
I suffer, dammit, and someone should pay for all of this suffering I suffer through so I decided to call up my Jewish lawyer, Bernie, to find out if we could sue Obammie and if so, to get the ball rolling.
It just figures he was out of town which pretty much left me with no other choice:
Yeeeaaah.
I know.
But hey, I got my answer and Ben changed his mind so we’re hooking up next week. He can explain what the hell “shvanz” means in person.
