Comments on The Offended Blogger: The "Guess My Offense" Offensive

Damn, Chelle! You have the workings of a true crim...

2008-01-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

Damn, Chelle! You have the workings of a true criminal mind. LOL I would have never thought of such capers when I was that age.

Candy ! Candy! Candy!I would have done that.

2008-01-19T04:36:00.000-07:00

Candy ! Candy! Candy!

I would have done that.

Hi Chelle, number one is priceless and a very bril...

2008-01-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hi Chelle, number one is priceless and a very brilliant idea, I was first going to say number 2 but after getting to know your through your blog I think it was number one, you are creative enough to pull it off too....Sylvia

Definitely #2

2008-01-18T17:58:00.000-07:00

Definitely #2

#2You are a dog person so you would have known, ev...

2008-01-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

#2

You are a dog person so you would have known, even then, that dogs are not interchangeable even if they look alike.

I think you did all of them, but at the tender age...

2008-01-18T17:15:00.000-07:00

I think you did all of them, but at the tender age of nine.

For realsies, probably the second offense.

PS- Us goody-two-shoes play Candy Land, not Chutes and Ladders. :)

Good one Don! Truthfully, she is way to young for...

2008-01-18T14:28:00.000-07:00

Good one Don! Truthfully, she is way to young for my interest even if I was available! And, she already fessed up to marrying rich, so if that's true, everyone else is out of luck also!

Besides, if in the unlikely event I am wrong about her true self, accusing her of being "nice" is probably a dangerous insult, rather than a compliment!

@ Leopardskinpillboxhat...That is pure unadulterat...

2008-01-18T14:02:00.000-07:00

@ Leopardskinpillboxhat...

That is pure unadulterated Hate. Note to self...keep wife away from this thread....Peace......T

Unlike Will above, (who is sooo obviously hitting ...

2008-01-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

Unlike Will above, (who is sooo obviously hitting on you) I think the worst of you. It's the Idaho way.

I therefore believe that you:

Took the money to buy laxatives that you then injected into the candy bars which you subsequently fed to you teacher's dog.

(Whatever is at the bottom of the reservoir, I can't imagine. But surely the statutes of limitation apply by now.)

I also guess Mrs. Peacock in the library with the lead pipe.

I vote for #2 simply because I, too, am a serial o...

2008-01-18T13:12:00.000-07:00

I vote for #2 simply because I, too, am a serial offender and did almost the same thing at about the same age. My younger brother got blaimed for the pilfering, and several decades later, still harbors resentment and anger, issues for which I often have recommended he see a therapist.

The reason I didn't choose #1 is I simply don't know whether E-Lax would dissolve quickly enough in a small amount of liquid to be tasteless or do the job. I have to admit, though, that I, too, am guilty of being an X-Lax offender.

I was very young when I married my first husband, and after several years my hatred of him had grown to the point that I was seriously considering hiring a hit man to murder him.

Unfortunately, my budget was nil and I hadn't a clue how I went about trying to find a gun for hire in the small Oklahoma where I then lived.

While hording "escape" money (mostly taken from his pockets while he showered or slept), I took to committing offenses for which he couldn't prove me guilty.

The first that I remember was buying and finely chopping the chocolaty contents of two large boxes of X-Lax into a half-gallon of "hubby's" favorite ice cream, a premium mint chocolate chip that he bought weekly by the half-gallon SOLELY for his consumption. Neither I nor my two toddlers were allowed even a taste.

Since he was such a pig in most every sense, I knew he could be counted on to consume the half-gallon of X-Laxed ice cream in one sitting if I scooped it all into a mixing bowl and offered him the bowl and a spoon while he laid back in his Lazy-Boy watching one of his favorite evening TV shows.

And that is exactly what he did.

The X-Lax hit him within an hour and by the middle of the night he had become delightfully ill with symptoms that lasted for days.

Offensive? Definitely.

Childish? Most likely, but definitely cheaper and less of an offense (especially a felony offense) than hiring a hit man, then spending 20 years in prison while my sons grew up ridiculed because their mom had their dad killed. Though, when I think abck on it, in Oklahoma spousal murder may not have offended all that many of the hypothetical jurors (if such a jury had included married women).

I know that many believe that God punishes or gets even with us for all of our offenses ... but I guess God chose to penalize the ex for his lenthy list of truly offensive acts before passing judgment on mine. Just two years ago, the master of all swine was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer and died in less than four weeks, still a relatively young man.

Did I attend the funeral? No, although the thought of just how offensive it would be to literally dance on his grave almost brought me to The Big O. But, if and when I'm in that part of the country, the first task on my "to-do" list is to make a stop at the local cemetery where I plan to do a private and truly offensive Happy Dance on his gravestone.

We're going to say number 2, because that so seems...

2008-01-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

We're going to say number 2, because that so seems like something a kid would do in desperation.

I'd have to go with 3. 2 seems too tame, and 1 ju...

2008-01-18T12:24:00.000-07:00

I'd have to go with 3. 2 seems too tame, and 1 just doesn't fit with what we've seen of you here and in the discussions. Genius blog post though. Funny, and we get a peek into the twisted little mind that grows into the full blown Offendedblogger.

I am guessing it is #2 because it seems more reali...

2008-01-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

I am guessing it is #2 because it seems more realistic.

D) None of the above. I know this is all a very ...

2008-01-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

D) None of the above. I know this is all a very creative, blog Oscar worthy performance and that you are too nice a girl and have always been too nice a girl to do anything like these at all.

Sorry to blow your cover. That Witness Protection Program never was any good. Can't imagine why you thought it would shield you from exposure?

-Will

#3 - That $100 would have been worth a try at 13.....

2008-01-18T10:06:00.000-07:00

#3 - That $100 would have been worth a try at 13....
I'd be so offended! ;)

I'm going to say it was #2.Although, I did a simil...

2008-01-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going to say it was #2.

Although, I did a similar thing to #3 when I was a kid:

We had a mouse in the house.

My mother offered my friend and I each $5 to catch and kill it.

A few days later, on my friend's paper route, we saw a dead mouse.

Said mouse was picked up, put in a baggy, thrown in the trash outside, and my mother was informed that we had - indeed - caught it.

Easiest $5 I ever made.

Parents are so stupid.

I really have to go with #2. As much as #1 would h...

2008-01-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

I really have to go with #2. As much as #1 would have been fun, I think the laxative thing would have been a 13 year olds evil genious, not 10.

I really HOPE that #3 isn't true

So #2 it is!

Well, I see nothing of the sexual nature so I'm go...

2008-01-18T07:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I see nothing of the sexual nature so I'm going to have to go with....

B!

I'm wiht Alan, I think it is B. The Candy/Money t...

2008-01-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

I'm wiht Alan, I think it is B. The Candy/Money thing.

i'm torn between 2 and 3...oh, what to chose,what ...

2008-01-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

i'm torn between 2 and 3...oh, what to chose,what to chose...um...ok...tw..three...3! and, that's my final...no 2...2 and that is my FINAL answer!!!

A truly tough number to call!! LOL Especially as t...

2008-01-18T06:09:00.000-07:00

A truly tough number to call!! LOL Especially as this is my first encounter of your blog! And from what I read up to now it looks likely that you could have been the perpetrator of all 3 offenses!!

However...

Lets see...
No. 1 sounds too much like those Porky's films of the 80's! nah... that can't be it!

No. 2 theft for candy! Hmmm... naah!

I go for No. 3! Hey, $100 at the age of 13 must have looked like a grand fortune!

#2 ?

2008-01-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

#2 ?

hmmmm. they all seem plausible, yet I'm voting wit...

2008-01-18T05:37:00.000-07:00

hmmmm. they all seem plausible, yet I'm voting with #2 and the quarters thing. I did similar stuff when I needed "gas money" at 16 (back when a buck could nearly get you a gallon....ah the good old days!).

The other two, while devilishly brilliant, also seem like things that you would think about but not necessarily carry out in actuality.

..Hey.. I really like the writing style, and the b...

2008-01-18T01:07:00.000-07:00

..Hey.. I really like the writing style, and the blog looks awesome but.. I'm not all that fuzzed about the comments. I don't want to get offensive (lol), but I mean..from looking at I don't know much about the people participating in the discussion.

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I'll say B, but it looks like you still have the d...

2008-01-18T00:36:00.001-07:00

I'll say B, but it looks like you still have the dog from "C". Doesnt look like you've had too many candy bars, tho'