I vote for #2 simply because I, too, am a serial o...

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1309232416960378247.post-69545769033272869332008-01-18T13:12:00.000-07:002008-01-18T13:12:00.000-07:002008-01-18T13:12:00.000-07:00I vote for #2 simply because I, too, am a serial o...I vote for #2 simply because I, too, am a serial offender and did almost the same thing at about the same age. My younger brother got blaimed for the pilfering, and several decades later, still harbors resentment and anger, issues for which I often have recommended he see a therapist. The reason I didn't choose #1 is I simply don't know whether E-Lax would dissolve quickly enough in a small amount of liquid to be tasteless or do the job. I have to admit, though, that I, too, am guilty of being an X-Lax offender. I was very young when I married my first husband, and after several years my hatred of him had grown to the point that I was seriously considering hiring a hit man to murder him. Unfortunately, my budget was nil and I hadn't a clue how I went about trying to find a gun for hire in the small Oklahoma where I then lived. While hording "escape" money (mostly taken from his pockets while he showered or slept), I took to committing offenses for which he couldn't prove me guilty. The first that I remember was buying and finely chopping the chocolaty contents of two large boxes of X-Lax into a half-gallon of "hubby's" favorite ice cream, a premium mint chocolate chip that he bought weekly by the half-gallon SOLELY for his consumption. Neither I nor my two toddlers were allowed even a taste. Since he was such a pig in most every sense, I knew he could be counted on to consume the half-gallon of X-Laxed ice cream in one sitting if I scooped it all into a mixing bowl and offered him the bowl and a spoon while he laid back in his Lazy-Boy watching one of his favorite evening TV shows. And that is exactly what he did. The X-Lax hit him within an hour and by the middle of the night he had become delightfully ill with symptoms that lasted for days. Offensive? Definitely. Childish? Most likely, but definitely cheaper and less of an offense (especially a felony offense) than hiring a hit man, then spending 20 years in prison while my sons grew up ridiculed because their mom had their dad killed. Though, when I think abck on it, in Oklahoma spousal murder may not have offended all that many of the hypothetical jurors (if such a jury had included married women). I know that many believe that God punishes or gets even with us for all of our offenses ... but I guess God chose to penalize the ex for his lenthy list of truly offensive acts before passing judgment on mine. Just two years ago, the master of all swine was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer and died in less than four weeks, still a relatively young man. Did I attend the funeral? No, although the thought of just how offensive it would be to literally dance on his grave almost brought me to The Big O. But, if and when I'm in that part of the country, the first task on my "to-do" list is to make a stop at the local cemetery where I plan to do a private and truly offensive Happy Dance on his gravestone.LeopardSkinPillBoxHatnoreply@blogger.com