The "Today is the Day!!" Offensive

Well, I don't know what gets you motivated in the morning, but I usually start my day off by yelling at the kids, beating the dog and slamming a few tequila shooters before I check the news to see how many people were offended in the last 24 hours, and hey, believe me, I am never disappointed!

Not a day goes by that someone, some where in some way isn't offended.

Ugh!

In fact, right now, there are offenses happening all around the world that normally I would find quite entertaining and even perhaps useful for blog fodder.

For example, according to Google news, there were 4,191 offenses just in the last 24 hours:

I know!! I could totally use any one of those for a great post today, but I won't because for one thing, I am way too frigging tired to even type a coherent sentence, and for another....


...MY WAY AWESOME WEBSITE THAT I HAVE BEEN SLAVING OVER for weeks and months and years is officially launching today.

That's right, today.

Hooyah!!

Right now, hundreds of thousands of humor bloggers are synchronizing their blog posts to help me introduce Humor Bloggers dot com to the world, and for that I am eternally grateful! In return, they get exclusive membership privileges, and soon they will be rewarded with millions of humor blog groupies flocking to their own websites.

Yep, so hurry up and go check it out!


Oh, and hey, don't be jealous!

I can't help it if I am an evil genius who will someday be too rich and powerful to be seen eating at the taco truck with the likes of you!!

:p

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Also, I am happy to announce another awesome project that I am involved with, headed up by Jason over at Gorilla Sushi. It's something you can get involved in as well, here are the details:


Today is the first day of The AdSpace Contest and I'm proud to announce that I am one of 10 co-hosts.



The idea is simple and easy: Get as many entries as you can (very easy to do) over the next 30 days. The more entries you get, the better chance you have of winning! At the end of the 30 days, we'll announce the winner.



The prize?

A 125x125 pixel ad spot (above the fold) on at least TEN DIFFERENT BLOGS that will run for one month. That's at least a $100 value!



Who else is co-hosting?

• Geek Mom Mashup


• Vrtualme


• Jamaipanese


• Best of Stupid


• AxioBlog


• The Big Bald Blog


• Jason Boom


• Unconventional Marketing Blog


• Offended Blogger


• GorillaSushi

How do you enter to win?

1 Entry - Subscribe to any one of the blogs above via email.

10 Entries - Write a post about the contest (must include links to all 10 hosts OR use our suggested text)

25 Entries - Offer up an ad spot on your own blog for one month as part of the prize package (links will be listed above)



Simply put, you could subscribe to all 10 blogs, write a post and offer up your own ad spot for a grand total of 45 entries! Be sure to tell us in the comments below when and how you've entered to ensure that your entries get counted.



Good Luck!

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The "Nike, That Ain't Right!!" Offensive

Yesterday, according to the Oregonian, Nike announced that it would pull it's controversial advertising campaign that is purportedly offensive to gays.

Now, fair warning, the following picture is not intended for the weak of stomach. I am in no way liable for whatever psychological damage that you may be left with after viewing it, either.

I'm serious! Don't click this open unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences of your actions!

OK, here it is, uncover your eyes:


Hey, I warned you!!

Now, I don't know about you, but that advertisement is more than just offensive to gay people!

In fact, I can hardly believe that Nike isn't rushing to apologize to ALL of the potentially offended people that this ad has probably negatively and irreparably affected:

• Black people
  
• Men
  
• Basketball players
  
• All athletes in general
  
• Women athletes who may or may not be black but believe they are men but aren't allowed to play on men's basketball teams because they are women
  
• Men and women, boys and girls who have no athletic ability and can't jump that high
  
• People with no arms and legs, faces, or torsos who may be offended by the offensive depictions of humans with arms, legs, faces and torsos
  
• English teachers
  
• English students
  
• Those learning English as a second language, or who someday may want to learn English as a second language and who, if they ever do learn English as a second language, may be offended by the use of the grammatically incorrect word 'ain't'
  

• Those who have a phobia against the color red
  
• Those who have a phobia against the color white
  
• People who prefer Reeboks over Nike
  
• People who are afraid of clowns
  
• People who owe the IRS over $400.00<
• People who have no frigging life and have nothing better to do than to be offended over EVERY FRIGGING THING!!!!!
  
• Me for having to spend five minutes writing this stupid post to point out just how utterly ridiculous Nike is to pull this ad over fear of offending
  

Oh, and that is just the tip of the iceberg! I bet that there are WAYYY more of us who deserve an apology AND a big fat check out of this travesty of offensiveness.

Yep, I'm going to call my lawyer right now!!

Believe me, he'll teach those running shoe bigot bastards not to mess with the likes of me!!

Oh, wait...

heh.

I forgot, my lawyer is still *ahem* tied up at the Folsom Street Fair:

That's OK, I am patient, and let's face it, NIKE certainly isn't going anywhere!

:)

Vote for this post over at humor-blogs.com!

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The "Lick This, Heinz!" Offensive

No offense to those easily offended British, but after years of enduring feminine itch, genital herpes and penile dysfunction commercials, I can honestly say that a Heinz mayonnaise commercial with two men kissing would be a breath of fresh air right about frigging now!

From the UK's timesonline:

A mayonnaise ad that shows two men kissing has been withdrawn from television after 200 viewers complained that it was offensive.

Heinz, which makes the New York Deli Mayo featured in the commercial, pulled the advertisement less than a week into its expected five week run, in response to the criticism.

Viewers told the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) that the ad was inappropriate and unsuitable for children to see. The ASA has not yet decided whether to launch an investigation.

Heinz apologised for any offence caused.

Heh.

Bloody Brits.

Between you and me, I think Heinz should get their revenge by making a new ketchup ad aimed directly at gays:


Oh yeaahhh.

:p

I hear they like ketchup on their wieners over at humor-blogs.com

* ~ * Click here to enter this week's Weekender Offender contest!! * ~ *

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The "New Rules for Pandas and Jesus" Offensive

(The "What Was Willy Thinking?" caption contest will officially close soon, so for those of you who participated, thank you!! For those who haven't yet, hurry!!

The voting begins this weekend on the Weekender Offender post which will be up sometime tomorrow so make sure you come back to cast your vote, and may the Best Willy Win!! )


From the upcoming "2008 Guide to All Things Offensive" by Chelle B.:

Rule #1 - Pandas are no longer allowed to be Chinese.

Rule #2 - This naturally means that Jesus, my taco truck guy can no longer be Hispanic. :*(

Vinod Gupta, the chairman and chief executive of InfoUSA in Omaha, the parent of Salesgenie.com, said in a telephone interview Tuesday that a commercial featuring two animated pandas speaking with what were intended as Chinese accents would be withdrawn.

“We never thought anyone would be offended,” said Mr. Gupta, who developed and wrote both commercials himself.

“The pandas are Chinese,” he said. “They don’t speak German.”

Still, “if I offended anybody,” Mr. Gupta said, “believe me, I apologize.”

---> Read More <---

OK, so let's see if I can do this right:


Heh, well that was easy enough to overcome!!


Now if you will excuse me, I'm off to pick a new and improved nationality for Jesus, my favorite Hispanic taco truck driver... suggestions are welcome!! I have added a poll in the sidebar, or leave a comment for what nationality you think best suits Jesus!!

This post is making sure I am stereotypically sensitive over at:

please, oh please, oh please... stumble me!!

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The "Triple Nipple" Offensive

Men, never, ever jokingly volunteer to be your lactating wife's third nipple...

Ever.

An ad campaign for Boots' nipple cream has escaped a ban from the advertising watchdog despite 19 complaints from members of the public and women's groups that it was misleading and offensive.

A press ad, for the Boots Expert moisturising nipple cream, ran in magazines including OK!, Mother & Baby, Best and Chat. The campaign also included a radio ad.
The magazine ad featured a sketch drawing of a woman holding her baby at arm's length with a grimace on her face.

Her dress was open and showed the skin on her breast stretched taut from the baby's mouth.

In the ad the woman complains that breastfeeding has caused her to have extremely sore nipples.

"For the first time in my life I wish I had three nipples," states part of the copy in the ad.

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This post is trying to grow a third nipple over at:

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The "Oh! Yes, God... More!!!" Offensive

Soooo... I am not an ultra devout church goer then?? I am so confused!!

"I have to admit, it is funny, but it's not appropriate for where it is," Cedrone said. "I just think it's offensive."

She said she is glad her 11-year-old wasn't in the car with her to ask, `Mom, what does that mean?'"

"If it was said at a party with adults, it's funny, but our children are exposed to enough of this kind of thing."

She called the church and her local councillor to complain.

A church official said they were unaware the sign would offend anyone.

---> Read More <---

This post is on it's knees in church over at:

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The "Japanese Naked Dog Pile" Offensive

I do NOT even want to know why that guy has this expression on his face!!
(OK, maybe I'm a little curious!)

....Times are changing for a millennium-old festival in provincial Japan that features naked men, with a top railway operator saying advertisements for the event were too racy.

The northern city of Oshu each February draws thousands of tourists with its Somin Festival, in which naked men pile upon one another and frolic about late into the night to pray for good luck.

The city has printed posters for the festival for decades but East Japan Railway, better known as JR East, refused to put up the advertisement at train stations this year for the first time.

The poster for this year's festival on February 13 has a bearded middle-aged man with thick chest hair who appears to be howling. Other men, wearing only loincloths, cluster in the background.

JR East's branch in Morioka, which covers the region including Oshu, said displaying the poster could constitute sexual harassment.

"Train stations are used by a wide range of people and it is highly possible that some passengers may be offended by the poster design," said branch spokesman Kaichi Yamasaki.

---> Read More <---

This post is hidden somewhere under a pile of naked Japanese men over at humor-blogs.com

(Pssst...hey, don't be afraid to comment, I'm really not easily offended! Oh, and come see my newest blog The Offended American!! ;)

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The "Paddy Power's Man Boobs" Offensive

Well, first of all this is hardly indecent compared to many things allowed in the UK...and second, I'm offended that they can't be original.

They stole the idea for their ad campaign from my "Must See TV Ads" post! (Which, by the way are hilarious in case you missed them!)

I think it's even the same guy from that commercial.

.....London Underground has banned an ad campaign by bookmaker Paddy Power that features a man who appears to be breastfeeding a baby.

The poster ad, one of three that promotes the company's new online bingo business, has been banned by LU operator Transport for London's compliance committee.

A spokesman for Paddy Power said that the poster, which uses the strapline "Where have all the women gone?", was banned on the grounds that it had the "potential to offend public decency".

The Irish bookmaker will now invest more money into other media where the ads are running, such as 48-sheet and six-sheet posters and national and regional press.

"We are completely astonished by the reaction of the London Underground to our advert," said the spokesman. "Fun is central to the Paddy Power brand and we strive to communicate this in all of our advertising."

It is not the first time that the company has run into problems with its advertising.

---> Read More <---

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The Must See TV Ads Offensive

Of course the best ones weren't made in America...we'd get too offended!

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