The "Christmas Puppies for Muslims!!" Offensive

Well apparently years of caber tossing, eating sheep intestine and going commando under their kilts has taken it's toll on the mental state of my Scottish brethren. Taken from The Scotsman news online:

A POLICE force has apologised over concerns that an advertisement featuring a German shepherd pup could be offensive to the Islamic community.

That's right.

A puppy!!

Ugh.

What in the world is wrong with these people?!! Don't they grow up hoping for a puppy under their Christmas tree like the rest of us??

Honestly, just take a look at the little cutie pie that they supposedly found so damned offensive:



I know!!

That is like the cutest puppy EVER.

Well, OK, technically my puppy was wayyyyy cuter than that:

But still! He is pretty damn cute!!

Now I could understand how it MIGHT offend them had he looked like this:


And between you and me, I could really understand how they could be offended had he looked like this:


Heh.

Which is ridiculous because come on, admit it, that is one adorable Jewish puppy right there. I'd name him Mozel Tov if he was mine!! :)

Anyhoo, nobody would even stop to question those easily offended Islamist's right to be offended if the postcard would have had this dog on it:


Blech!! That would offend even me!!

But, noooo, it wasn't any of those, so they have no legitimate excuse.

You know, I feel bad because I bet there is some little Muslim kid out there right now who secretly prays to Allah every night, wishing he would bring him a puppy for Christmas:


Yeah.

Poor little guy! :(

You know, I really wish that I could do something to help little jihadists like him to have their wishes fulfilled at Christmas.

Hmmm.

Hey!! I bet my Fatwa friends would help me start a Christmas Puppies for Muslims foundation!

Those crazy bastards will do anything for me:


Yep, we'll put a puppy under every frigging Muslim Christmas tree out there. They'll be soooo happy and soooo busy cleaning up dog shit that they won't have time to be soooo offended.

Hooyah!!

It will be a great tax write-off, too. :)

Of course, I'll need some puppies to get started and I might as well give one of them my neighbor's dog, George while I'm at it, since he STILL comes over and pisses on my grass and digs up my flowers.

Ugh!!!

Friggin' George.

Hmm. Maybe I'll just strap a suicide vest on George's ass and detonate him next 4th of July, instead.

:p

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The "Dear Santa," Offensive

Dear Santa,

I know I am probably wasting my time writing to you, because you probably aren't really real...but just in case, I have a few requests.

First, please take my name off of your naughty list. You know me better than that!! Of all people, you know half of the crap I post here is not the REAL me. So what if it lives somewhere deep within my twisted subconscious and surfaces here, does the conscious me have to pay the price for it??!!

Second, please send me some sort of subliminal messaging machine so that when people come to my blog they not only stay and read a few posts and leave incredibly flattering comments, but I want it to also make them mindlessly leave my page up for hours or even days in a separate window on their computer so my Google Analysis stats look really good!!!

Third, and last of all, please don't get offended that I tell everyone that you are really the devil.

You and I both know it is true.

It is not my fault that people are too blinded by your disguise and a little too illiterate to realize that Santa is an anagram for Satan. You know that I have a hard time with illiteracy in general!!

It is nothing personal, really. I'm sure most of them have no idea what an anagram is, and would never take the time to Google it...and those that think they do know probably are mistaken anyway and think that I am saying that you are an antonym of Satan.

So it works out well for you anyway!

Well, I guess that's it.

Thanks Satan...er, Santa!!!!

Chelle B.

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The "Last Temptation of Santa" Offensive

"eli eli lema sabachthani??"

..... Santa's keeping watch over a West Bremerton neighborhood in a way that has some offended and everyone else at least a bit curious about the motive.

In the front yard of a house on the 300 block of Olympic Avenue stands a crucifix about 15-feet tall, bearing Santa Claus in place of Jesus.

Jake Tally of Bremerton walked by the display Friday and chuckled, but didn't pretend to understand the message.

"I don't really know what to think. I know it's about God but Santa has nothing to do with it," he said.

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Uhhh...I don't think it takes a GED to figure this one out.

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